14 Weeks

And just like that, Weston is three months old. Three months marks the end of the "4th trimester" and things are starting to get easier. Weston is sleeping more consistently, crying less and smiling more. He stills loves to nurse and gets chubbier by the day. He sleeps 7-10 hours at night and anytime he is in the ergo. He's like a cat, as long as he is cozy and close to me, he'll sleep. He hates being in his carseat and cries to and from pretty much every destination. He breaks into a huge smile at the sound of mom, dad or big bro. One of my favorite things is undoing Weston's sleep sac when he wakes up in the morning and watching him stretch his little arms. I love how Owen has started repeating the things I say to/about Wes-- "talking!" "cute," "baby's sad," "spit up," "crying," "laughing," "we're moving, Wes!" and my personal favorite, "love you baby." I'm pretty obsessed with my second born and thankful everyday for my happy, healthy baby boy.

Having Ty home for so long was really amazing for Owen. He never really got jealous of Wes because either Ty or I was always able to be with him when he needed it. I was worried that would change with Ty being back work, but Owen's done totally fine with the transition. By the time Ty went back Owen was acclimated to our new life with Wes and loves having him around. There are certainly times when Owen cries because he wants me to leave the baby and focus on him but he doesn't resent him and has handled all the changes of the past few months exceptionally well.

With Ty working again the boys and I have settled into a nice routine. Having both of them on my own in totally doable. Thanks to my new roomba robot vacuum cleaner, I've actually managed to keep the house in decent shape. It's amazing how much it decreases the work load not having vacuum every day! I recently finished a 28 day clean eating, detox diet that forced me to cook homemade meals every night, so we are even eating well. The weather has been beautiful and the sunny days that give a glimpse of spring rejuvenate my soul. We've been walking, playing at the park and spending time with friends. Everyday there are moments when I am completely overwhelmed and moments where I am blissfully happy. It's amazing the full range of emotions I feel in a matter of hours and how quickly our days go from horrible to wonderful or vice versa. When the kids start melting down, sometimes I feel like crying right along with them; but then I meet up with a friend, Owen says something sweet or Wes smiles and it feels as though all is right in the world.

My maternity leave ends this weekend, which is so bittersweet. I love being at home with the boys and the ease to which we can fit everything into our schedule. At the same time, I am looking forward to being around other adults and using my brain in a different way. Work brings balance to my life and I am ready to figure out our new normal.

The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

I recently came across "The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto" by Brene Brown. It is beautifully written and speaks to my soul. 

"Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions–the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.

I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.

We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.

We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.

You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.

I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.

I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.

When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.

Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.

We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.

As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.

I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you."