Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the flowers.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Mama of Two continued
There are a few things about having two children that I really did not expect.
The most surprising thing is how hard it is for me to leave both of them. Now that I'm back at work things are much different but for those first 15 weeks I only left them twice. I went to a mom's night out when Wes was 14 weeks old and I realized it was the first time I had really been by myself since he was born. I could barley handle the two of them on my own, so it seemed impossible for anyone else. And it was starting to make me crazy. I didn't feel that way when it was just Owen and I distinctly remember happily leaving him to go shopping and get a a pedicure when he was 6 weeks old.
For this reason going back to work was really good for me. I left Ty with the boys for two 12 hours days and guess what? They all survived. Then I left them both with the nanny for two 12 hour days and guess what? They were fine. It is quite liberating to know that I am not the only one that care handle my little beasts.
The other thing that has come as a surprise is how much less helpful it is to have a second pair of hands with both kids. With just Owen, having someone else around to help was a lifesaver. It was so nice to pass him off to my mom or Ty or one of my friends while I took a little break. When my mom stayed with us I got massages, took long showers and checked things of my to-do list. Now, that's not the case. I still love having my mom here and she is incredibly helpful but with two kids and two adults, wether it be Ty or my mom, we divide and conquer. I get a little bit of break in the sense that I only have to take care of one kid, rather than two, but I don't get time to myself like I did before. When Owen was a baby I would count down the minutes until Ty got home from work so I could pass him off. I still look forward to Ty getting home but I can't relax until the boys are sleeping and the dinner dishes are done.
With each baby I have had to let more things go and I know it is making me a better person. My vice used to be sleeping. I love to sleep. After working years of night shift I let go of the guilt society makes you feel for sleeping and logged between 8 and 12 hours a night. That's what I thought I needed. And I clung to it. Then Owen was born and the stretch goal was 8 hours a night. I realized I didn't need nearly as much sleep as I thought but I still tried to get it anytime I could. Now I have no idea how many hours I sleep a night but it has been a long time since I hit 8 (in 2 to 6 hour chunks). The surprising thing is that it's totally fine. I take naps and have finally let go of worrying about how much sleep I am going to get. I am even starting to become a bit of morning person, something I had written off as impossible many years ago.
When Owen was born I stopped wearing eyeliner on a daily basis and with Wes I have forgone wearing my hair down. I have about 5 minutes to get ready in the morning so I slap on some mascara, throw my hair in a messy bun, dawn my yoga pants and call it good. I shower every other night and am lower maintenance than I have ever been. I still try and put myself together on occasion and know how important it is to have a sense of self but there are more important things right now than freshly washed and straightened hair.
Having two is just as much of a game changer as having one. I go back and forth trying to determine wether the transition to one or two was harder. I've concluded they have been equally challenging for different reasons, many of which I didn't anticipate. Being a mama is growing and changing me in surprising ways and continually inspiring me to be better.
The most surprising thing is how hard it is for me to leave both of them. Now that I'm back at work things are much different but for those first 15 weeks I only left them twice. I went to a mom's night out when Wes was 14 weeks old and I realized it was the first time I had really been by myself since he was born. I could barley handle the two of them on my own, so it seemed impossible for anyone else. And it was starting to make me crazy. I didn't feel that way when it was just Owen and I distinctly remember happily leaving him to go shopping and get a a pedicure when he was 6 weeks old.
For this reason going back to work was really good for me. I left Ty with the boys for two 12 hours days and guess what? They all survived. Then I left them both with the nanny for two 12 hour days and guess what? They were fine. It is quite liberating to know that I am not the only one that care handle my little beasts.
The other thing that has come as a surprise is how much less helpful it is to have a second pair of hands with both kids. With just Owen, having someone else around to help was a lifesaver. It was so nice to pass him off to my mom or Ty or one of my friends while I took a little break. When my mom stayed with us I got massages, took long showers and checked things of my to-do list. Now, that's not the case. I still love having my mom here and she is incredibly helpful but with two kids and two adults, wether it be Ty or my mom, we divide and conquer. I get a little bit of break in the sense that I only have to take care of one kid, rather than two, but I don't get time to myself like I did before. When Owen was a baby I would count down the minutes until Ty got home from work so I could pass him off. I still look forward to Ty getting home but I can't relax until the boys are sleeping and the dinner dishes are done.
With each baby I have had to let more things go and I know it is making me a better person. My vice used to be sleeping. I love to sleep. After working years of night shift I let go of the guilt society makes you feel for sleeping and logged between 8 and 12 hours a night. That's what I thought I needed. And I clung to it. Then Owen was born and the stretch goal was 8 hours a night. I realized I didn't need nearly as much sleep as I thought but I still tried to get it anytime I could. Now I have no idea how many hours I sleep a night but it has been a long time since I hit 8 (in 2 to 6 hour chunks). The surprising thing is that it's totally fine. I take naps and have finally let go of worrying about how much sleep I am going to get. I am even starting to become a bit of morning person, something I had written off as impossible many years ago.
When Owen was born I stopped wearing eyeliner on a daily basis and with Wes I have forgone wearing my hair down. I have about 5 minutes to get ready in the morning so I slap on some mascara, throw my hair in a messy bun, dawn my yoga pants and call it good. I shower every other night and am lower maintenance than I have ever been. I still try and put myself together on occasion and know how important it is to have a sense of self but there are more important things right now than freshly washed and straightened hair.
Having two is just as much of a game changer as having one. I go back and forth trying to determine wether the transition to one or two was harder. I've concluded they have been equally challenging for different reasons, many of which I didn't anticipate. Being a mama is growing and changing me in surprising ways and continually inspiring me to be better.
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