Fall 2018

Fall 2018 has changed up our routine in a big way. Owen started kindergarten and soccer, Hazel started daycare, Wes changed daycares and started soccer, and the little two are doing a Monday morning preschool. As the weather gets cooler and darker, the boys are content playing inside with the mound of toys that have been neglected all summer long. They've been building legos, playing with their kitchen, busting out the hot wheels and doing any kind of fine motor activities they can get their hands on.

Owen's first two weeks of kindergarten went remarkably well. He was so excited to go that he was sitting on with couch with his shoes and backpack on 45 minutes before it was time to leave for the bus. He is super into his friends that he met at jumpstart and thinks riding is the bus is nothing short of amazing. On his first day he was so adorable I could hardly handle it. I've been counting down the days until he's out of the house on the regular so it really took me by surprise when he got on the bus and I wanted to burst into tears. All the sudden he's so grown up and I'm starting to understand how true it is when they say the days are long but the years are short. Now that he's three weeks in the novelty has worn off. Some days he's eager to go and some days he cries because he has to "work hard all day and it's not even fun." There are plenty of mornings I don't feel like working or parenting either so I totally understand where he's coming from. Owen has also started realizing that Wes, Hazel and I get to stay home and he's missing out on what happening here. "It's not fair only me and daddy have to go everrrryyy ddaaayyyy."  

When I thought about Owen's school schedule I was hyper focused on the fact that I'd have one less kid to wrangle during the week. And let me just say that part of it has been amazing. The afternoons while Hazel sleeps and Wes does quiet time are pure bliss. I am actually able to accomplish things that have been on my to do list for over a year. I've already sorted the kids clothes and organized the junk drawer that's been accumulating papers since I went back to work last November. Wes is super good at playing by himself and there is a LOT less noise with only one speaking child present. Wes is by far the loudest of the group but he doesn't have to shout to be heard without the eldest trying to dominate every activity and conversation. He has been so sweet and I've been cherishing our one on one time. He's been listening extra well and I can tell that our time together is special to him, too. 

What I failed to think about is all the ways Owen's new schedule would change our daily routine. Getting everyone dressed and out of the house to catch the bus by 8:30 is a change and the first few days it felt like all we were doing was waiting for Owen to get home. Now there are school activities and sports to be at in the evening so there is no running errands or accomplishing much of anything after 3 pm. Previously we would do a morning activity and then run to the grocery store or do other errands post nap a day or two a week. Now that's not an option and I'm finding it almost impossible to find time to grocery shop. I haven't planned well and the home cooked meals have been much leaner than I'd like. Owen being away has increased the sibling rivalry so the boys do a lot of fighting in the evenings. Everyone is tired and stressed from all the change that has swept thorough our household in the past weeks so tensions are high and meltdowns are frequent. 

We also hired a housekeeper and oh my gosh, I forgot what an amazing feeling it is to have a clean house that you didn't have to scrub yourself. Melissa is the name of the lady that we hired and she spent 8 hours here last week. I was so happy I could have cried. With the deep cleaning taken care of I have the stamina to do the laundry and it's easy to keep up. It feels like a 20 pound vest has been lifted off my chest and I am free to do so many other things with eight hours less of chores bogging me down. Oh, and I learned to curl and stop washing my hair every day. I don't know how it possibly took me 33 years to learn this life altering skill. I can do my hair and it looks good for three days straight with zero effort. Mind blown. I feel like I look better and have significantly decreased the effort I put into getting ready. #winning

As with any part of parenting, there is the beauty amongst the mess. Each month gets easier is some ways and harder in others. More than anything- change is change. We'll adapt and soon we won't remember things any other way. With every year I feel more convicted by the truth that for everything there is a season. There's still a lot of things that I want to accomplish outside of parenting and my day job as a nurse. I want to get better at photography, I want to take writing classes, I want to become a certified life coach. The last year I've struggled to pay our bills on time because there is so much to coordinate and think about every single minute. I also know its not forever and when the seasons change I'll have more time to make art. So for right now I want to lean in and be present. I want to embrace this stage and celebrate it for what it is. I am exactly where I should be, in this season. My heart is grateful for what is right now and for what is yet to come.

Kindergarten Love Letter

Sweet Owen,

As we navigate this monumental period of your childhood I find myself reflecting in the best way I know how, fervently trying to capture photos that freeze the time and putting words to the page.

Given your late birthday you are going to be one of the oldest kids in your class and therefore you are more than ready to begin your kindergarten adventure. You are obsessed with the school clothes in your closet waiting to be worn and are looking forward to making new friends. As a toddler you had such a hard time with separation and were so slow to warm up that it still surprises me how outgoing and gregarious you have become. Waltzing into a new situations rarely phases you anymore and you're generally ready for me leave pretty much immediately at any drop off. The night before your first day we read the poem your teacher gave you and sprinkled your "ready confetti" under your pillow. I didn't get the sense that you were anxious at all, though you asked me to sit outside of your room until you feel asleep "since tomorrow was your first day." When I told you Daddy and I were going to follow the bus so we could walk you into your classroom, you requested that we didn't. 

As our first born sometimes you get the best of our parenting abilities and sometimes I feel like we could have done better. It can't be denied that we put the most amount of effort into parenting you but your siblings will certainly benefit from the parenting trail and error you endure. The months leading up to kindergarten I wasn't totally sure if we'd succeeded when it came to preparing you. I've never considered the birth to five years time for teaching academics. My focus up to this point in your life has been teaching you to be loving, kind and emotionally in tune with both yourself and others. That goal has absolutely been achieved- from some combination of who you are innately and what we've taught you. You proudly declare that you are the nicest kid in your daycare class. At the same time, now that we're preparing to send you through the doors of elementary school I doubted our choices and wondered- will you be on par with your classmates when it comes to math and writing? Was it enough to read to you nightly or should we have been doing flashcards so you'd know your sight words? 

I called to talk with you daycare teacher, Mrs. Trish, to see what she thought we should work on in the last few months leading up to kindergarten. She raved about how you were one of the most mature kids in your class, were friends with everyone and bored with the pre-K material. She said you could think through your actions and understand the consequences. Mrs. Trish had no doubt that you will excel socially, emotionally and academically. After that conversation I knew we'd done the right thing. You may not know how to write every single letter of the alphabet when you start but that's the whole point of kindergarten. You've got a fierce determination, you're inquisitive and inventive, and you are ready to learn. And at the end of the day- kindness, emotional intelligence and hard work will always be a more important values in our family than achievement. 

So spread your wings and take flight my boy. Be brave, be kind and try your best. I love you with all that I have and all that I am. I am so proud of you and can't wait to see all the ways you will grow and change as your kindergarten adventure unfolds. 

xoxo,

Your loving mama