Growing up I was really hard on my mom. I wanted sandwiches cut into shapes and love notes packed in my lunch, someone to pick me up from school every afternoon and a house that was always neat and tidy. Those things weren't at the top of my mom's priority list as she was working full time, going to school and bringing up three girls largely on her own.
Now that I understand what it means to be a mom, it turns out mine got a lot more right than I gave her credit for back then. She taught me to be confident and kind, to reach out to the person who was new or different and that really loving your people is what makes the world go round. She taught me to stay calm and that there is no point in worrying. I didn't realize how much we are alike until I started seeing and feeling her wisdom in the way I parent my kids.
So on this Mother's Day I'd like to take the time to acknowledge my loving mama for all she sacrificed and all she taught me. To recognize that until you've become a member of the club yourself, it's impossible to understand what it means to be a good mom.
I've come to believe that the days and details surrounding birth stick with us forever. There is something so powerful about that experience that the memory of how people loved and nurtured us during that time stays with us. It's simultaneously the most painful and beautiful day of our lives. With each birth there is a transformation. After a baby is born we are the same person we've always been, but different. Something new is born in us. Our walk through fire makes us closer to who we're destined to be.
There are a lot of things I remember vividly about the day Owen was born and one of them was telling my mom he was here. His precipitous delivery meant that she was still on the long stretch of freeway that separates us when he made his debut. I called her and we both sobbed. There was something so special about that moment.
As we prepared for Owen's arrival my mom planned to stay for a few days after he was born. I was honestly on the fence as to whether or not I wanted her to. I had no idea what to expect and didn't know if company would make things easier or harder. Looking back, I will never forgot how close to her I felt that week. Ty and I were totally clueless and she swept in with so much love and wisdom that I (and more surprisingly, her son-in-law) wanted her to stay forever. She stayed for ten days and when it was time for her to go we both sobbed again.
When we were anticipating the arrival of baby number two the biggest stressor was what to do with Owen when I went into labor. My first delivery was quick and we needed a plan. Having my mom three hours away made that tricky. I called her on a Friday and told her I felt like the baby was coming soon. I didn't want to cry wolf (my biggest fear relating to childbirth) but wanted her to know. She immediately packed her bags and headed north, happy to take up residence on the couch of our tiny Ballard bungalow. When I shared my fear that nothing was actually happening, she said "no big deal, if the baby doesn't come by Sunday evening, I'll go home." That's the thing about my mom, she can take a situation that's feeling overwhelming and diffuse the stress with a simple one liner. There is no need to worry. It is what it is. She's happy to be there whether this is the weekend the baby comes or not. As soon as she walked in the door I felt like a 50 pound weight had been lifted off my back. I don't think I'd ever concisely acknowledged how much I needed my mom until I started having babies. Once she was there everything felt lighter.
Hazel's birth saga sang a similar tune. I thought I might be going into labor so I called my mom. Things never really progressed so I decided it wasn't time for her to come up just yet. When I called back a week later to say "this is it", I shared what an annoying week it had been. I felt trapped in my house and like I couldn't do anything. She responded with a resounding "me too." She spent the week glued to her phone with a bag packed, hesitant to take on any responsibilities so she would be nothing but ready when we needed her. I was on my way to get gas in a rental car before I picked the boys up from daycare. I don't remember why I was driving a rental car but I'll always remember that conversation.
As a nana she gets it right. Her love for my babies rivals my own and she makes it a priority to be available whenever we need her. The way she showed up in the most defining moments of our lives meant so much to me. I know we can always count on her to make lasagna, shrink our laundry, and love all of us well.
I wouldn't be the mama I am today without her and raising babies has given me a fresh lens to fully see and appreciate her for everything she is. So, Happy Mother's Day, Nana. Your love and support means everything to our family.
