Before I had kids I read a lot about moms losing their sense of self in the process of becoming mothers. Their children so overtook their lives that they reported not knowing who they were anymore. An awareness of that risk made me hyper-vigilant about making time for myself, my marriage and my career post motherhood. The transition was smooth for me and my experience has been quite the contrary. Being a mama has made me a better version of myself and pushed me to create in a whole new way.
I did a co-op preschool with Owen when he was 18 months old. The philosophy is simultaneous parental education and toddler socialization. Alternating weeks you supervise the toddlers or gather in the corner and engage in conversation with the other moms. My first week on the parent education side, the get to know you question was, "what was your hobby before you had kids?" As people wistfully shared ways they passed their time, it all felt much more exotic than anything I had been doing in my younger years. When the conversation turned to me I talked about doing pilates, traveling and lunching with friends. I've always had a desire to learn and experience new things and have habitually kept my schedule full, but I couldn't identify a real hobby that I loved and remained committed to in my 20's.
I often think back to that conversation because when someone asks me today what my hobbies are I am quick to respond. I love photography, writing, mindfulness and self-help. In addition to motherhood and an almost full-time career as a nurse, I want to be a professional photographer, writer and life coach. Unlike the theme of giving up hobbies post-kids from the moms in that group, motherhood awakened a creativity in me that I didn't know had been dormant all those years. When I held Owen in my arms for the first time the flood of emotion was so powerful that I wanted to find a way to bottle it up and keep it forever. There were so many magical moments that I began to write and photograph as a way to cling onto these days that I knew I would otherwise forget.
The main way I currently nurture my life coaching goal is listening to podcasts and reading psychology books. I recently listened to one on the stress response cycle and how our modern lifestyle leads to burnout. I learned that there is a difference between a stressor and the stress response. A stressor is something external that causes the stress response-- a chemical stew in your body--which is a cycle and needs to be completed for our bodies to biologically know that we are safe.
As modern days humans, we need to be intentional about completing that cycle. They listed the seven main ways we can do that. Most of them are pretty instinctual and things we've all heard of- exercise, deep breathing, talk to people, laugh, cry and speak about a loved one. The seventh thing was new to me, though- creative expression. Taking what is inside of you and somehow making it exist outside completes the stress response cycle.
This made me understand in a new way why when I publish a blog post or take a beautiful photo I feel better. Each entry on this blog feels like a small part of my soul in the best way possible. Every time I capture a moment that way I picture it in my head, it makes my heart sing. On my photography website, I wrote "In my career as a pediatric cardiac ICU nurse I witness a lot of heartbreak. Having a creative outlet in which I get to make loving, happy memories live on in a beautiful way is the perfect antidote." When I wrote that I didn't know there was actually a chemical response in my body that makes those words so true.
Being a mama is hard, holy work and being a nurse carries a heavy emotional burden. The list of things to stress about is long and a propensity towards worry is an easy trap to get caught in.
And yet.
Joy and beauty abound. The depth of emotion that motherhood exposes has provided me with more opportunities for growth than I can count. One of the most unexpected gifts has been a fresh understanding of how much power creativity can hold. Anyone who reads my work knows full well that one of my greatest sentiments is gratitude.
Today I am grateful for a new understanding of the work of art in my life.
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Exhibit A- Hazel's first dance class. Such a sweet moment with photographs that accurately capture all the feels.
