5 1/2 Month Love Letter

My sweet Owen,

Wow. 5 1/2 months. You have already grown and changed so much in your short life.  You get more and more fun all the time. Your favorite things these days are singing songs, rolling around, playing on the activity mat and in the exersaucer, going for walks in the ergo, taking baths and playing with your mom and dad.  It's pretty awesome that now you clearly prefer us over anyone else.  I see you search for my face and lock eyes with me when you're feeling overwhelmed.  You pretty much always breaks into that beautiful, all consuming smile when I walk into a room.  You've started laughing a lot, which is the best sound in the entire world.  We will do anything to get you to giggle.

We have made some serious progress in the sleep department.  You are now sleeping un-swaddled in your crib and only waking up to nurse once.  We still have a rough night here and there but things are continually improving.  If I'm being honest, I love nursing you in the middle of the night.  Especially on days I work and barely get to see you there is something sacred about the two of us silently connecting while the rest of the world is asleep.  Since I've been back at work I've been taking naps with you most days.  We snuggle in bed together and catch up from some of the sleepless nights. 

We are going to start feeding you solids soon, I can tell you are more then ready.  When we eat, you stare in awe.  The plan is to start with avocado.  I hope you grow up to be an adventurous eater. It won't be long before you're sitting up on your own and you're starting to show signs of wanting to crawl.  I also think you may be starting to teethe.  It's hard work being a baby! 

You dad has been amazing with you and is equally smitten.  Watching him with you makes me love him even more.  I have amazing moments with you every day but the ones that are most vivid in my memory are the ones we've shared as a family.  Mother's Day was this past weekend, my first.  Being your mama is the most amazing gift I've ever been granted.  It brings me more joy than I could have imagined.  I love you in a way only a mother can, my sweet baby Owen. 

xoxo,

Your Loving Mama 

Back to Work

After 18 wonderful weeks at home with my little man, the time has come to return to work.  I loved being on maternity leave and am so thankful I was able to have that time at home, but I was ready to start working again.  Around week 16 I started to feel a bit overwhelmed by being home all. the. time.   My days were starting to feel very monotonous—clean the house, walk around greenlake, obsess over the baby….  Being a nurse again has helped me regain the professional portion of my identity and it feels great to be back.  I love my job.  I love the people I work with.  And only having to be away from my sweet baby a few days a week is a perfect balance.   Working certainly makes me a better mom.  With that being said, I feel crazy busy these days and wonder how I will fit it all in.  Nope, the “mom brain” isn’t getting better, I am the world’s biggest scatterbrain and the time continues to fly by. 

I love that Ty and Owen get every other weekend together while I’m at work.  It’s really important to me that Ty and I share the parenting responsibilities and I want him to be comfortable and confident caring for the baby on his own.  I won’t lie; it also felt really nice to give Ty a taste of how much work it is to be by yourself with a baby all day.  It is wonderful and equally exhausting, Ty gaining that understanding has changed our family dynamic for the better.  I haven’t heard him makes any more comments about how wearing it is to be working at the office all day.

I have to add that Owen rolled over from back to front for the first time the first day Ty and I were both working.  Grandma Paula and Papa Steve were with him and sent us a video of him rolling over like it was no big deal.  After 18 weeks at home, I miss a developmental milestone my first week back... 

The worst part about returning to work has been the nanny drama.  We have had a hell of a time finding someone reliable to watch Owen.  First we planned to use a stay at home mom and she turned out to be a total flake, deciding it was going to be too stressful to care for a baby and her son at the same time.  We then found a wonderful nanny, Allie, and have been using her for a few weeks.  Her boyfriend unexpectedly got accepted to a graduate program in the Netherlands, so they are moving June 1^st.  Seriously?  As often happens, these fumbles are turning out to be blessings in disguise.  Allie will watch Owen through May and then Rachel with take over for the summer.  I am super excited to have Rach watch him, she will love him more then any nanny ever could.  Come September we will begin the nanny search, again, and pray we find someone half as wonderful as Rach!

Owen visiting me on my first day back at work. 

4 Month Photo Update

I didn't get around to blogging about month 4.  Here are a few of my favorite photos.  16.4 pounds.

PEPS babies 

Baby's First Easter

Owen has already weathered a number of his "first" holidays.  Regrettably, I let most of them pass without a second thought.  He didn't have a cute little outfit to wear for Valentine's day and I I forgot to dress him in green for Saint Patrick's day.  Turns out, Ty and I are not real ceremonious.  Although, now that we have a family, it's time to step it up.  I want to have special traditions that make even the smallest of holidays feel special and fun.  Owen is too little to care this year (luckily), thus we have been granted a grace period for getting our act together.

Easter was our most successful attempt at paying tribute to a holiday yet.  Owen was dressed up (although Ty and I were both in jeans), an egg hunt ensued and we took some lovely photos.  We didn't make it to church (which is the whole point of Easter) but we enjoyed spending the weekend with family.

3 Months

These last few weeks I've started to feel like I am back to my normal life, the only difference is that now I have a baby. The first couple, okay at least 6, weeks were so all consuming that pretty much everything revolved around Owen.  A walk around Greenlake or doctor’s appointment was enough to fill an entire day.  It's nice that now we have settled into somewhat of a routine and I have energy to get out and exercise, socialize, or get things checked off the to-do list. I am so thankful to have six more weeks of maternity leave because now we are having fun and really enjoying each other.  Owen is becoming increasingly charming, lighting up my days with smiles, laughs and coos.  We started our PEPS (program for early parenting support) group on Wednesday mornings, I have been going to Pilates on Thursday nights and we have been meeting friends for walks most afternoons.

Owen loves being in the stroller and I find he prefers being outside to staying in all day long. He has started tracking, sucks on his hand all the time and loves being naked.  Now that he is getting a little older and becoming more aware of his surroundings we no longer have to plan our schedule around his feeds alone, but his naps as well. He still naps on the go, but not nearly as much and I know those days are coming to an end. How is it fair that a newborn will sleep anywhere until right around the time moms have energy again? Hopefully his naps will eventually develop some kind of schedule, which will be easier to work around.  I certainly don't want to be "that" mom who won't leave the house during naptime come hell or high water, but I'm quickly learning that a tired baby makes for a miserable afternoon. 

PEPS is a group of 12 moms living in the same neighborhood with infants around the same age.  We meet weekly and discuss the joy and challenges of motherhood.  I love it.  I am struck by how much becoming a mom brings women together.  It's so reassuring to connect with others who are in the same boat. When Owen was born one of my friends commented "welcome to the club," which is the perfect way to put it.  One of the things I've learned being a part of this group is that all babies are different and one solution rarely fits all. We all have babies with different temperaments and varying parenting philosophies, yet we all are doing a great job.  After only five weeks I feel close to and comfortable with my group of moms and find it to be an amazing support. 

I feel like everyone is always talking about “pregnancy brain” which was never a huge issue for me.  This “mom brain” thing, on the other hand, is no joke.  I literally start walking down the hallway to do something and forget what I’m going to do on the way.  It’s crazy.  I’m sure the fact that it’s been over three months since I’ve slept through the night could has something to do with it, but it’s beginning to feel as though these hormonal side effects are never going to let up.  Who knew they persist until you stop breastfeeding?  My hairdresser has prepared me to start losing my hair at around 4-5 months postpartum, so I have that to look forward to next.

When it comes to sleep, I really don’t feel like we have made any progress in the last month.  Owen started out as a great sleeper, which is wonderful, but we may have peaked early on.  I am certainly not complaining, things are still going well, but it’s a little discouraging that our progress has halted.  Bedtime is the one thing that we have down.  He takes a bath around 6, eats around 6:30 and is asleep by 7.  It’s amazing for Ty and I to have that time to ourselves in the evenings again.  He sleeps for 5-6 hours the first stretch, is awake to nurse every 3 hours after that, and up for the day between 5 (kill me) and 7 (which I can handle).  When he wakes up, he nurses like it’s his job and goes right back to sleep.  I’m not sure if he still really needs to eat that frequently or if he’s just gotten accustomed to it.  Every book I read seems to have a different opinion so I am letting it ride for now. Here’s to hoping that it won’t be year before we both get to sleep through the night!  

My friends prepared me for how quickly the first year flies by but it’s still hard to believe.  Three months have already come and gone and winter has turned into spring. I am certainly exhausted and usually ready for a beer by Owens bedtime, yet I am doing my best to cherish the time.  I am rejuvenated by the many firsts and magical moments that we share as a family everyday. 

Leavenworth

The four of us spent the weekend visiting Ty's aunt Pam and her husband, Don in Leavenworth.  It was a lovely little get away and nice to know that we can still enjoy ourselves on vacation with the little man.  For me, the highlight of the trip was walking into town and having beer and brats at the local pub.  Leavenworth is such a small town that kids (and dogs) are allowed in all the bars, which is super awesome.  I've barely eaten out and I certainly haven't been to a bar since Owen was born so it felt like a real treat. We also went on multiple walks and indulged in Pam's gourmet cooking.  Jake may have enjoyed the weekend the most, he loved running in the snow and the long walks. We literally had to drag him into the car to head home.  Owen was so tuckered out from the fresh mountain air that he put himself to bed at 5:30pm and slept all night.  I hope Pam and Don were serious when they said we can visit anytime because we'll certainly be back soon! 

8 Week Love Letter

My sweet Owen, 

It's hard to believe that the first 8 weeks of your life have already come and gone. You're not a tiny little newborn anymore; that stage of you life has already passed.  I just went through your dresser and pulled out a whole bag of clothes you've outgrown.  The time has flown by.  I’m so thankful that you’re such a great eater and have grown into a chubby little baby.  At your 2-month check up you were 12.6 pounds, 23 inches.  You’re in the 30^th percentile for height, 50^th for weight and 75^th for head circumference.  I think big heads run in the family.  

I couldn't have asked for a better baby.  Your sweet and mellow temperament is already quite evident.  As your dad put it, you have a quite beauty about you.  I have a feeling you are going to be generous and kind, just like your daddy.   

We have a few nicknames that we like to call you; mainly dak dak and OC,  as well as fussy gus when you’re crabby and hungry, hungry hippo when you’re ready to eat.  You spit up a lot, with pretty much every meal and always have a very serious, pensive look on your face.  You love being naked, taking baths and laying on your changing table.  You have big, beautiful eyes that we think will stay blue.  You look cute in pretty much everything, but I think you look the best in nothing but a diaper. 

You started smiling and making eye contact last week.  It's amazing how one little smile melts my heart and makes my day.  Even though we all know I'm pretty much the worst singer in he world, I have been singing you lots of songs.  You don't seem to care that I'm terrible because I can usually get you to smile with "If you're happy and you know it."  We’ve developed a really nice bedtime routine this week; we put you down around 7:30 and you sleep for 5-6 hours.  After that you wake up every 3 hours to nurse, but are pretty good at getting back to sleep after you eat.  

Your Auntie Rachel is madly in love with you and comes to see you every weekend. She was in the delivery room when you were born and you opened her eyes to the true miracle of life.  Rach has been an incredible friend and support to me over the years, now more than ever.  Just as much as she's been there for me, you can always count on her.  When you're 15 and you get into a bind, you can call her.  I won't hold it against her if she doesn't tell me until after you've graduated from college.  I know it's a little different for boys, but I hope that you find a best friend as amazing as mine.

I didn't feel like I was overly emotional during pregnancy, but since you were born, it doesn't take much to start the waterworks.  I cried when you were born, I cried the first few times you smiled, I cry as I write pretty much every blog post.  You have made my heart so full, it doesn't take much for it to bubble over.  I've heard the quote "first we had each other, then we had you, now we have everything."  That couldn't be more true, you complete us.  

Xoxo,

Your loving mama