7 Month Love Letter

My sweet Weston,

I'm pretty sure you're the sweetest baby there ever was. You're always smiling and have the best belly laugh. You love your brother, you love your mom and you love your dad. You're a great sleeper and happy to be along for the ride. You love being in the ergo. You have started grabbing for things and can get your hands on anything within a few feet of you. We've started feeding you solids and you were a little apprehensive at first but now you seem to like everything we try. Sweet potato and blueberries are your first favorites. You think it's hilarious to have the skin underneath your chin wiped and love singing songs.

You're on a typical schedule for a baby your age-- morning nap from 8-10ish, afternoon nap from 1-3ish and bed around 6:30. You wake up to nurse once at night and quickly fall back asleep, usually cuddled in bed with me. You do great when we stick to the routine but are also totally content if we need to shake things up. It's no big deal for you to stay up until 8 on the weekends or catch a cat nap in the car. You roll over and are almost sitting up on your own. You've been teething and are getting 6 of them at once. The first time you really screamed in the middle of the night I knew something was up and the next day your first tooth cut through the gums. I can tell it's rough getting all those little teethers but you are handling it like a champ.

You have brought me so much joy and are helping me to learn and grow everyday. There is a huge part of my heart that I didn't know belonged to you until you arrived. I can't imagine my life without you and thank God for what gift you are. I love watching you grow and fall more in love with your sweet, squishy face everyday.

xoxo,
Your Loving Mama

A few of my favorite things

These are some of the things that I have recently come to love.

Avocados-- Seriously, how have I just become obsessed? An avocado makes anything taste amazing, they have replaced mayonnaise and salad dressing in my diet and become a daily staple. A few tricks I've picked up to feed my obsession; they stop ripening when you put them in the fridge, once you cut it in half, it won't brown if you leave the core in and they are part of the "clean fifteen" so it's not necessary to buy organic.

The Library-- It's been a long time since I've had a library card and I was a little rusty on using the system. Or maybe it's that the system has drastically changed in the last 15 years. Either way, now that I've figured it out, we've been going weekly. I find the books I want to read on amazon, search for them through the library website, put a hold on them and they are right there with my name on them when I'm ready to pick up. How great is that? I have pretty much every book we own memorized and reading them over and over kind of makes me want to gouge out my eyeballs. So it's perfect having some new material. Plus, there a list of books I've been wanting to read, so our new found proficiency with the library system has inspired me to get off of social media and read more! Thank you, Seattle Public Library!

iRoomba-- When Wes was born I was prepared to let my housework standards slide a little. I knew there was no way to vacuum every day, as I find necessary, while caring for two tiny humans. I was on Facebook while breastfeeding in the middle of the night and saw a friends post about the iRoomba vacuum cleaner. I thought they were worthless but her claim that they actually work was enough to convince me. From facebook to amazon, purchase complete at 4 am. Bam. And let me tell you, this little gadget has been a lifesaver. The boys and I leave in the morning and the carpets aren't coated in dog hair when we get home. Can I get an amen?! I don't vacuum by hand, really ever. Roomba works daily and the housekeepers come every two weeks. Therefore, I haven't had to relax my standards. I can be a good mom and have a clean house. Hallelujah. I love you, iRoomba.

Acure Organics-- There are my new go to face products. When Wes was about a month old my sister-in-law, Kelsi, sent me a package. It was one of the nicest gifts I've gotten in a long time, totally unexpected and really kind. Included were a few of her favorite beauty products with a little note saying she thought I could use a few things for myself during this season of life. I loved the Acure exfoliating wash she sent and proceeded to purchase their entire line of products. They are affordable, effective and organic. Love!

Pimp Your Mat Pilates-- Finding a way to exercise was another huge challenge in the transition from one to two kids. There is less time for everything. I was still walking a lot but since I started Pilates 6 years ago, my body doesn't feel right without it. A friend has been telling me about a subscription based Pilates website for years and I finally decided to check it out. Best. Thing. Ever. I love the instructor, who posts a new 30 minute work out every three days. She is classically trained and the workouts are awesome. Finding 30 minutes three times a week is totally doable. As soon as I worked Pilates back into my routine my back stopped hurting and I started to feel human again.

Lemons-- Along with avocado, I have started consuming lemons every day. In the morning I have a cup of hot lemon water in lieu of coffee. It's a great detox for the body and wonderful for the digestive system. It took a little getting used to but now it's as much of a ritual as coffee once was.

Stitch Fix-- What a brillant idea! Someone shops for you and sends you clothes. If you like them you buy them, if you don't you send them back. It's like Christmas morning every time a new box comes. Around March I had a little meltdown over having nothing to wear. I was pregnant last spring, so I didn't have anything from last year, I was too fat for most of my regular clothes and passed the grace period of continuing to wear maternity clothes. The problem is, there is no time to shop. If I have the boys with me, which I pretty much always do, Wes is in the ergo and Owen is running around. Not the easiest way to try things on at the Gap. I had heard of Stitch Fix before and honestly thought it sounded kind of stupid. But when a friend suggested it in response to my problem, I couldn't wait to try it. And I love it! So far I've received three boxes with five items each and I've only kept two things but it's been enough to get me though. My next box comes this week and I have a good feeling about it. How did people survive without the internet?

2 1/2 and 5 Months

At nearly two and a half, Owen is turing into a full on little boy. He is so fun to be around and I LOVE that he can finally communicate with me. It's so nice having someone to chat with rather than talking to myself all day long as I've done for the past two years. I am getting feedback and relish in the insight it gives me into his little world. I love being able to ask him what he thinks of something and what he wants to do. I love that we can discuss our day each night and talk about all the fun we had. My favorite thing is when I am asking him a question, and probing for a specific answer, but he says something totally accurate that I'm not expecting. Owen is my tender and sweet little soul. He is kind, loving and such a joy.

And my little Wes. My new nickname for him is squishy and I am obsessed with his chubby little face. I miss him while I am at work and just want to hug and squeeze and kiss him when I'm home. I feel like we have had found our stride and he is such a mellow baby. He likes to hang out on his play gym, the couch or his swing. He smiles every time you look at him and has started doing the belly laugh. There is really nothing better than a squishy little laughing baby. I'm officially enomored. He still puts himself to bed at night and has been by the book in developing a nap schedule. He is a mamas boy and I relish our sweet moments nursing and napping together.

Then there is the two of them together. It's really the best thing ever and there is so much love. When Owen wakes up in the morning, he wants to know where Wes is first thing. I put Wes in the bumbo chair and Owen does things in front of him while they both crack up. Owen is constantly stealing Weston's binki, but if Wes cries, he will give it back to him. I feel so much less pressure to entertain Wes every second of the day than I did when Owen was tiny because Owen entertains him for me. Brothers. Best friends.

Being back a work has brought a healthy balance back to my life that I didn't even realize I was missing. I miss the boys so much while I'm at work that I appreciate the days I am home with them even more. I enjoy being at work and being a nurse is a huge part of who I am. It feels good to use my brain in a different way and socialize with my coworkers. I am beyond grateful to have a job that makes me feel like I have a positive impact and brings me personal gratification. And I am so thankful that my schedule makes it so I don't have to choose being being with my boys and working. I feel like I am able to devote sufficient time and attention to both, which is an amazing gift.

It feels like we are hitting our stride. Wes is settling into a routine and having two no longer feels super overwhelming. I shower in the morning again and feel put together some of the time. Going to the grocery store with both of them no longer feels daunting, Wes doesn't scream every time I put him in the car and we've resumed some productivity around the house. The first year with any baby is full of transitions and things are continually changing. The last five months we adjusted to having a second child, Ty starting a new job and me returning to work. Each change has brought a set of struggles to work through and with every transition we have figured it out . I'm sure it won't be long before things change again but for now it feels good to be living, and enjoying, the new normal.

Tulip Town 2015

Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the flowers. 

Mama of Two continued

There are a few things about having two children that I really did not expect.

The most surprising thing is how hard it is for me to leave both of them. Now that I'm back at work things are much different but for those first 15 weeks I only left them twice. I went to a mom's night out when Wes was 14 weeks old and I realized it was the first time I had really been by myself since he was born. I could barley handle the two of them on my own, so it seemed impossible for anyone else. And it was starting to make me crazy. I didn't feel that way when it was just Owen and I distinctly remember happily leaving him to go shopping and get a a pedicure when he was 6 weeks old.

For this reason going back to work was really good for me. I left Ty with the boys for two 12 hours days and guess what? They all survived. Then I left them both with the nanny for two 12 hour days and guess what? They were fine. It is quite liberating to know that I am not the only one that care handle my little beasts.

The other thing that has come as a surprise is how much less helpful it is to have a second pair of hands with both kids. With just Owen, having someone else around to help was a lifesaver. It was so nice to pass him off to my mom or Ty or one of my friends while I took a little break. When my mom stayed with us I got massages, took long showers and checked things of my to-do list. Now, that's not the case. I still love having my mom here and she is incredibly helpful but with two kids and two adults, wether it be Ty or my mom, we divide and conquer.  I get a little bit of break in the sense that I only have to take care of one kid, rather than two, but I don't get time to myself like I did before. When Owen was a baby I would count down the minutes until Ty got home from work so I could pass him off. I still look forward to Ty getting home but I can't relax until the boys are sleeping and the dinner dishes are done.

With each baby I have had to let more things go and I know it is making me a better person. My vice used to be sleeping. I love to sleep. After working years of night shift I let go of the guilt society makes you feel for sleeping and logged between 8 and 12 hours a night. That's what I thought I needed. And I clung to it. Then Owen was born and the stretch goal was 8 hours a night. I realized I didn't need nearly as much sleep as I thought but I still tried to get it anytime I could. Now I have no idea how many hours I sleep a night but it has been a long time since I hit 8 (in 2 to 6 hour chunks). The surprising thing is that it's totally fine. I take naps and have finally let go of worrying about how much sleep I am going to get. I am even starting to become a bit of morning person, something I had written off as impossible many years ago.

When Owen was born I stopped wearing eyeliner on a daily basis and with Wes I have forgone wearing my hair down. I have about 5 minutes to get ready in the morning so I slap on some mascara, throw my hair in a messy bun, dawn my yoga pants and call it good. I shower every other night and am lower maintenance than I have ever been. I still try and put myself together on occasion and know how important it is to have a sense of self but there are more important things right now than freshly washed and straightened hair.

Having two is just as much of a game changer as having one. I go back and forth trying to determine wether the transition to one or two was harder. I've concluded they have been equally challenging for different reasons, many of which I didn't anticipate. Being a mama is growing and changing me in surprising ways and continually inspiring me to be better.

14 Weeks

And just like that, Weston is three months old. Three months marks the end of the "4th trimester" and things are starting to get easier. Weston is sleeping more consistently, crying less and smiling more. He stills loves to nurse and gets chubbier by the day. He sleeps 7-10 hours at night and anytime he is in the ergo. He's like a cat, as long as he is cozy and close to me, he'll sleep. He hates being in his carseat and cries to and from pretty much every destination. He breaks into a huge smile at the sound of mom, dad or big bro. One of my favorite things is undoing Weston's sleep sac when he wakes up in the morning and watching him stretch his little arms. I love how Owen has started repeating the things I say to/about Wes-- "talking!" "cute," "baby's sad," "spit up," "crying," "laughing," "we're moving, Wes!" and my personal favorite, "love you baby." I'm pretty obsessed with my second born and thankful everyday for my happy, healthy baby boy.

Having Ty home for so long was really amazing for Owen. He never really got jealous of Wes because either Ty or I was always able to be with him when he needed it. I was worried that would change with Ty being back work, but Owen's done totally fine with the transition. By the time Ty went back Owen was acclimated to our new life with Wes and loves having him around. There are certainly times when Owen cries because he wants me to leave the baby and focus on him but he doesn't resent him and has handled all the changes of the past few months exceptionally well.

With Ty working again the boys and I have settled into a nice routine. Having both of them on my own in totally doable. Thanks to my new roomba robot vacuum cleaner, I've actually managed to keep the house in decent shape. It's amazing how much it decreases the work load not having vacuum every day! I recently finished a 28 day clean eating, detox diet that forced me to cook homemade meals every night, so we are even eating well. The weather has been beautiful and the sunny days that give a glimpse of spring rejuvenate my soul. We've been walking, playing at the park and spending time with friends. Everyday there are moments when I am completely overwhelmed and moments where I am blissfully happy. It's amazing the full range of emotions I feel in a matter of hours and how quickly our days go from horrible to wonderful or vice versa. When the kids start melting down, sometimes I feel like crying right along with them; but then I meet up with a friend, Owen says something sweet or Wes smiles and it feels as though all is right in the world.

My maternity leave ends this weekend, which is so bittersweet. I love being at home with the boys and the ease to which we can fit everything into our schedule. At the same time, I am looking forward to being around other adults and using my brain in a different way. Work brings balance to my life and I am ready to figure out our new normal.