To conceive or not to conceive

That is the question.

Anybody who knows me knows that I've always wanted a family. When we decided we were ready and got pregnant with Owen, nobody was all that surprised. And I never wanted just one. When Ty and I decided the time had come to think about a second baby, I remember a conversation we had. Ty said something to the tune of "well, at least we have Owen so if we can't get pregnant this time, it wouldn't be the end of the world." I wholeheartedly disagreed. Not that I didn't love Owen with all my being but I did not fell like our family would be complete with just one child. At all. Siblings were always very much a part of the deal.

Now that we have the boys, they could certainly be enough to fill our home, making the decision as to whether or not to have a third a difficult one. I can think of a million reasons why stopping at two makes sense. Now that Wes is two things are getting much easier and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. At parties the boys can play independently while we chat with the other adults and we all sleep through the night a majority of the time. A family of five changes the logistics of everything- you need a car that can fit everyone, two hotel rooms, and most notably the kids outnumber the adults. Life with two is already pretty chaotic, do we really want to start all over again? Can we afford childcare for a third baby? The list goes on.

One of the most profound things I've learned throughout my life is that when I'm faced with a difficult decision if I take the time to think and pray about it, eventually the best path becomes clear deep down in my soul. That still small voice hasn't failed me yet. And in this case, though I know having a third baby will be far from easy, it is what feels right in the deepest corners of my heart.

Ty feels less enthusiastic about the work load that we know we are taking on but he, too, trusts my intuition and has agreed to grant me the desires of my mama heart. I feel a lot of pressure knowing that I am the one that talked him into this decision but at the same time I feel extreme gratitude that he is willing to endure a few more years of sleepless nights to make our family complete.

As has been true with each child, the decision to try and conceive was followed very shortly by two little pink lines. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at that positive test, confirming what I knew, that a family of five is indeed who we are meant to be.