Our celebrations were smaller than typical but we were able to spend time with most of the grandparents and some of the cousins. On Christmas Eve, we went to a drive-in church service where the kids proceeded to spill hot chocolate all over our car and their special outfits. I made a lovely fillet mignon dinner and homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Christmas morning was full of merriment and the boys were super excited to get their Nintendo switches. I have a feeling this may be the Christmas gift they remember for many years to come.
Owen's belief in Santa grew weary this year. A neighbor whose family doesn't celebrate Christmas told him he doesn't exist. Owen was quick to reject that claim, but a seed of doubt has been planted. I feel conflicted as to keep up with the facade. Now that he asks so many questions, flat-out lying feels distressing.
We have an elf on the shelf named Wolfie Umiak. We also have an advent calendar. The same day that Wolfie made an appearance, the calendar began to have three candies in it every morning. I don't remember saying that the elf was filling it, but that was the assumption. Owen and I were sitting in our newly renovated TV room when he asked where Wolfie is getting the candy. I can tell by his sly smile that something is up. Always honest, he admits seeing a bag of Christmas candy tucked in the furthest corner of the top pantry shelf. I respond with "that sneaky little elf!" Owen then shares that he thought it was mom and dad filling the calendar. He shatters my heart a bit when he goes on to say-- "What you say is true, so if you say you didn't put the candy there, you didn't put the candy there. So, it has to be Wolfie!" So loving, innocent and trusting. I didn't know how to walk it all back, so I remained silent. I spent the remainder of the season unsure of the best way to proceed and asked as many friends as I could about their family traditions.
In the end, I decided that because my kids know Christmas is a celebration of Jesus, Santa or not-- there will always be something to believe in. Someone told me that when the older children learn about Santa you then tell them they are part of the secret. They get to help surprise their siblings and be part of creating the magic. I can see Owen being really into that idea and think it will be super fun.
In the meantime, I'll be praying he isn't devastated when he finds out everything I say is not, in fact, true.
The Evangelical Christian community has done an extremely poor job of representing the Jesus that I believe in throughout the pandemic and it's tested my allegiance to organized religion. I always feel God's goodness most profoundly around Christmas and though my heart is faint I trust that He will lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
The weary world still rejoices. May He bring us goodness and light.
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