13-Year-Old Love Letter

My Sweet Owen, 

You are officially a teenager, marking 13 years of us learning together. We read your one-year-old love letter, both of us blurry eyed, on your birthday. Thinking back to those early days fills me with such love, joy, and longing. I explained to you how special every stage of your childhood has been and how I've chronicled these moments as a way to preserve them to the best of my ability. My heart swells celebrating this milestone just as much as it did on your first trip around the sun.

Sixth grade brought major independence, and after getting an electric scooter for Christmas, you were all over town living your best life—hanging at friends' houses, the Little League field, Target, McDonald's, and the gym at the Canterwood club. After one of your first times working out with your friend Mateo, you guys went to the club and had dinner together.

After not wanting a phone at all in 5th grade, that readily changed when you got to middle school and you craved a way to coordinate meeting up with friends. After much deliberation, we got you an iPhone for your 12th birthday. You don't have access to Safari or any social media. We initially said you could download a few games, but after a few weeks you decided to delete them. You signed a contract agreeing that you won't take it to school or have it in your room at night, and you've been respectful of those rules. We agreed the purpose of having a phone is to enhance real-life relationships, which includes texting, talking, and arranging meetups. There have been some ups and downs, but overall I feel like you've handled the responsibility well and I don't regret the decision. Whenever we talk on the phone, even if it's a ten-second conversation, you always end with "I love you."

Year 12th year marked your first run-in with acne, your first requests for privacy, and lots of important life lessons in health class with Mrs. Elton.

Last winter we went through a rough patch, and it became clear to me that as the firstborn, we have always catered to you more than we should, giving you a main character complex. This is on us, not you, and we're working to be more consistent. In reflecting back, I also think you just didn't have enough activities to keep you engaged. You were super into skiing but didn't have any scheduled activities during the week. This spring your love and passion for lacrosse was reignited, and with it you were an overall much more agreeable person.

After our money battles last fall, you got some cash for Christmas and blew it almost immediately. Your motivation to do extra money-making chores was lacking, so you remained broke. You cried one night and lamented to me how hard it is not to have money and how your friends always have to spot you. It had the intended purpose of making me share in your pain, and you learned an important lesson.

You really leaned into skiing and made yourself a list of goals—skiing all the hardest runs at Crystal. You accomplished that goal and crushed it at both Crystal and Bachelor.

You missed a week of school while you were sick this winter and got behind. Dad and I didn't realize you'd missed work, and by the end of the semester you were struggling to keep your grades up. You felt so overwhelmed by this that you mostly gave up and settled for B's when you were fully capable of A's. It was a good learning experience, and you know now that missing school is a big deal once you leave elementary and you have to be really proactive about making up missed work. You've struggled with your math teacher and don't enjoy the class, which is a disappointment because you've always loved the subject.

Your current aspirations for the future are to go to Notre Dame and become a pilot—maybe live in California.

You're really into staying up late, and bedtime battles around the holidays were exhausting. We've come to an agreement that works, and on the weekends you stay up watching movies with Dad and me, which is sweet time together.

Your relationship with Ivy persisted until the beginning of 7th grade, and it's been adorable. You guys are sweet and respectful toward one another and graduated from simply texting to actually spending time together. She decided to end it at the beginning of the school year, and after a brief period of sadness, you are content not being committed.

You are incredibly connected to Grammy and Grandpapa and feel close to them. Now that you have a phone, you often call and invite yourself over—either to earn money working outside or to spend the night, often both.

For Mother's Day, your math teacher reminded you that dinner reservations fill up early, so you independently called Cuerno Bravo and tried to make a reservation for our family. They were booked on Mother's Day, but you were so excited to tell me that you got us in on Monday. Actually eating at the restaurant didn't work out, but the sentiment was the cutest thing ever. I wish I could have heard your 6 a.m. voicemail requesting that reservation.

The start of 7th grade has been a magical period and one of my favorite seasons with you. I remember feeling this way in 4th grade as well. You are leaning into everything we've taught you and having such a great year. You're engaged in school and motivated to do well. You have a great group of friends and make good choices. The mood swings at home are minimal, you're active, engaged in sports, and open to learning new things.

You are incredibly comfortable talking to anyone and engage with adults remarkably well. Our new neighbors invited some people over for a happy hour in their backyard in September. We're the only family, so you, Wes, and Hazel were the only kids there. You were at the head of the table, leading and engaging in conversation with the 12 adults present. Afterward, you reminded me that you know them well from chatting when you're out and about in the street.

Late this summer you started loitering around the driving range and eventually weaseled your way into golf lessons. There's someone who works at the pro shop who let you borrow a club (even though it's technically against the rules). After hitting balls long enough, we finally went down there to meet Ryan, who's been helping you out. Turns out you don't have to be a member at the club to do private golf lessons, so you used all the money you'd saved to buy clubs and did five lessons. You're naturally athletic and picked it up quickly. 

You have a tendency to come into new things real hot and obsess over them before dropping them completely. This has caused some friction over the years (especially around that Canoe and Kayak team), but this fall has shed light on the positive side of it. While you were out golfing, I thought of all the other things you could be doing as a 12-year-old and thought learning to golf was a lovely way to be passing the time. If you want to keep golfing, great! But if you don't, it's a skill that will forever be housed in your muscle memory. Because of your dedication to lacrosse over the years, I know you have the ability to stick with something and see it through. But not everything needs to be like that. I love that you follow your interests as they arise and encourage you to learn as many new things as you can.

You also played on the Harbor Ridge soccer team this fall. Most of the other kids on the team have been playing club soccer for years, and your skills are limited. I was really proud of you for getting out there and playing even though you didn't have the same experience as other kids on the team. It takes a lot of courage to try something new, especially with your peers. You had a great time!

You've reconnected with Jackson. He's been your bestie since 2nd grade, but last year you didn't have any classes together so it was hard to stay connected. He's a great kid and his family has similar values to ours. You're back to playing select lacrosse with the South Sound Club and are applying the same grit and determination as when you first started. You made the select team, not the elite team, and are working hard to move up.

On your birthday, Uncle Chris and Auntie Kari generously gifted you and Wes tickets to a Kraken game. After waking up for traditions at home, we spent the day in Seattle with the cousins. You loved it and said it was one of the best birthdays yet. We had a house party to celebrate with your friends the weekend before.

You are such an incredible young man, and I couldn't be more proud as you officially enter into adolescence. You are confident, kind, curious, hard-working, and adventurous. My favorite teen psychologist says the year 13 is often ripe with friction, as it's the stage where you distinguish your personal identity outside of your family. I'm prepared for what may come, but we're starting the year in a sweet spot, so I'm cherishing it for now. I'm here to love and support you as you learn more about who you are and what's important to you. You are deeply cherished, and being your mama remains the most sacred gift of my life.

Happy birthday, my sweet boy. I love you with all that I am.

xoxo,

Your loving mama