Maui Family Vacay

We just spent seven lovely days in Maui on our first "real" vacation with Owen.  We've done multiple long weekend trips but this was our first vacation that was just the three of us and required traveling via plane.  As we prepared for our trip I was told over and over again how traveling with a baby isn't really a vacation.  You're still a parent and therefore don't really get a break, they said.  I was anxious to see how it would turn out because I can't image going on a trip without my little love nor can I imagine not wanting to get away for the next ten years.  I wasn't too sure about the six hour flight with a little guy who isn't crazy about sitting still or napping outside his crib, how the time change would effect Owen's schedule and whether or not there would be a whole lot of relaxing.

Our trip with Owen was much different than the ones we took before he was born but it was equally wonderful and definitely still a vacation in my book.  It was incredible to have seven uninterrupted days of family time, to watch Owen explore and to be in the sunshine.  Owen had a blast and loved playing in the sand, wading in the ocean as the waves came in and swimming in the pool.  My days didn't consist of napping and reading in the sun like they did before, but walking along the beach with Owen and obsessing over how adorable he is.  There is seriously nothing cuter than him him wearing his little swim trunks with his face covered in sand, smiling from ear to ear as he runs toward me.  One of the most incredible things about being a parent is experiencing the world through your child's  eyes.  We were enamored with watching Owen enjoy his first tropical vacation.  He toddled around in his miniature flip flops and took it all in.  He was super awesome on the plane, slept well and adapted to the changes in his schedule without a problem.  Every time we try something new and big we are surprised by how much easier it is than we expect.

Ty and I realized that he hasn't been off work and with Owen for a full week since paternity leave.  The two of them had a blast together.  They swam, built sand castles, dug holes, waded in the ocean and walked up and down the beach.  Maybe that's why I felt like it was a relaxing vacation, Ty provided the majority of Owen's entertainment and we tag teamed the parenting responsibilities.  I love watching the two of them together.  As I sat on the sunny beach and watched them play I was completely content.  I am crazy about both of them and being away from the daily grind was such a great reminder of why.  Ty also got up with Owen who was awake at five am every morning thanks to the time change.  Ty is the morning person of our duo and for that I struck gold when I married him.  I really wish I could jump out of bed early in the morning with a smile on my face but it has never happened and I have finally come to terms with the fact that it never will.  Ty, on the other hand, is always up with the birds and ready to roll.  So he takes the morning shifts and I love him so much for it.  I think it's one of the many reasons we make a great team.

In our previous life Ty and I loved cooking while on vacation.  We would stay in condos for the kitchen and make trips to the grocery store everyday.  Not this trip.  By the time we made it to Safeway we had already been there for over 24 hours and were so starving that we came home with a cart full of junk, hoping we remembered everything and wouldn't have to go back.  Our dinners consisted of pizzas, hotdogs and tacos.  In the evenings we just wanted to relax and sink into the couch.  We learned that maybe a condo isn't the best place to stay with kids.  It worked out well this year but in the future I think a hotel with a kitchette is going to be the best way to go.  The amenities that come with big hotels-- the pools with water slides and kids club actives would be awesome for Owen.  He flies free until he's two so hopefully we can get away for another vacation before the end of November!  Aloha!

Pediatric Nursing

When I tell people I am a pediatric ICU nurse, the conversation generally goes something like this--
"Wow.  That must be so hard, I don't know how you do it." And I reply, "It can be hard at times but kids are so resilient, the success stories outweigh the sad ones."  The conversation quickly changes gears because what else can you really say?  How could I possibly explain to someone the hope and heartache that I see at work every single day?  I have taken care of patients that have made such remarkable recoveries I know they must be miracles and I have hugged a mother and sobbed as she made the decision to remove her precious baby from life-support.  I have days where being a nurse fills me up and days where it wears me down.

We do a lot of heart transplants in our unit and it's always an incredible day for the recipient family.  Of course, we all know this means that there is another family somewhere who will go to sleep that night missing their beautiful baby and a large portion of their own hearts.  The way I have always viewed this scenario is that tragedies are going to occur whether organs or donated or not.   I think that transplants can give the donor family a sense of peace and a chance to create something beautiful out of their heartache.  The same applies to being a pediatric nurse.  The fact of the matter is that there are a lot of sicks kids out there and they need a medical team to help them get better.  It would be a lot easier to go through life without witnessing such profound pain but I feel called to help families fight through another day.  The success stories do make it worth it and there are more of them than you would think.  Kids are so much more resilient than you and I and can bounce back like an adult never could.

I have always been drawn to sad stories that end with hope and transformation through love.  From "Touched by an Angel" to "My Sister's Keeper" to my work at Children's I have come to believe that the darkest days can teach us, grow us and make us capable of creating a more beautiful world.

It's a lot harder to cope with the emotional stress of my job now that I'm a mom but I know it also makes me a better nurse.  I understand what it feels like to bring a baby into this world and what it means to be parent.  I can chat with my patients moms about sleep training and help them with breastfeeding.  I can connect with them in ways I wasn't capable of before.  I can only imagine the stress and pain their situation causes them but most of them focus on the positive and struggle through with grace.  I am humbled and inspired by some of the parents I've connect with over the years and am ever aware of what really matters.  I will never forget talking to a dear patients mom days before she died about how she was embarrassed that her 18 month old still took a bottle.  When that patient passed away so shortly after I was reminded that those things don't matter.  Who cares when you wean your baby or how soon they sleep through the night when they are healthy, happy little things.  Being a mom and being a pediatric nurse compliment one another beautifully.  So, even though the pain of my work babies weighs heavy on my heart, it is a huge part of who I am and something that I never want to give up.  I love my job and having the opportunity to make a positive difference in peoples lives.  Nursing challenges me, grows me, breaks my heart and brings me joy.  It is truly a gift.

14 Months

We've got ourselves a 14 monther today.  He is such a little love.  Every stage Ty and I exclaim how this is the best age and according to Ty this time we really mean it.  It's amazing to see Owen beginning to imitate our behavior and reciprocate love. He is super snuggly lately and will lay his head on my lap or come up and plant a kiss on my lips.  He is starting to get a bit of stranger danger and throws little fits when we leave.  He is finally walking with confidence, eats his meals with a fork and enjoys reading.  Owen's newest obsession is looking at our family photos hangings on the walls.  He is down to one nap but it only lasts for an hour and a half or so.  I am hoping that over time it will start to get a little longer because he is usually pretty tired come late afternoon.  Now that Owen is getting a little older things aren't changing quite as drastically from month to month.

I was getting my hair done the other day and my hair dresser asked me what I thought Owen would struggle with.  It was a legitimate question but I couldn't come up with an answer.  I totally felt like "that mom" who thinks her kid is perfect. I know there will be things that are challenging for Owen (and me) as he grows but I have no idea what they'll be yet.  Owen has been a really easy baby and has such a great temperament.  I'd like to think some of that is a result of our parenting but I have a feeling we just got lucky.  Only the second baby will tell.

In non Owen news we are trying to decide (and I am obsessing over) where we want to live in the coming years.  We're planning on having another baby before too long and we would love to have more than our current 890 square feet.  There are multiple options on the table including moving to another house in Seattle, remodeling our basement and moving to Tacoma. There are 100 pros and cons to all three scenarios and I can talk myself into any of them.  I'm hoping we'll have an epiphany and where we are supposed to live will become clear to us before too long.  I am counting down the days until we leave for Maui at the end of the month.  I can't wait to get away and get a tan. I'm excited for Owen to play in the pool and build castles in the sand.  February 25th can't come soon enough!

13 months and a new year

December was a busy month and there were a lot of firsts.  Owen took his first steps, got his first haircut, played in the snow for the first time, and tried a variety of new foods.  We spent almost every weekend away from home-- in Clackamas, Leavenworth and Gig Harbor.

Having a little one really changes the holidays.  There is so much more joy and energy when children are around and Owen brought Christmas new meaning.  It also makes it a lot harder to travel in order to celebrate with everyone.  We really enjoyed our celebrations but they were simultaneously exhausting.  Owen wasn't really old enough to understand Christmas this year but next year (when he believes in Santa) I hope we're able to spend some time at home.

Owen is just as charming as ever.  His new things are saying "uh-ho" and clapping his hands.  He loves playing with his toys and is pretty good at entertaining himself.  He likes to dance.  He is all of the sudden willing to eat anything you put in front of him and I'm beginning to understand why people feed their kids frozen foods.  It's a lot of work preparing three meals a day and really frustrating when they go to waste.  Owen still isn't really walking on his own, although I know he can.  If I hold onto him and then let go he can balance and will take a few steps every time.  But he's not willing to do it without being prompted.  He walks all around the house holding on to something the whole time-- the wall, my leg, the couch-- it's actually pretty impressive that he can get around that way so efficiently.   I'm anxious for him to be a full on walker, shouldn't be long!

There is always something inspiring about the new year.  People are still high on the love and goodwill that Christmas brings and eager to better themselves moving forward.  I've never been a new year's party person but do enjoy reflecting on the highlights of the previous year and goals for the coming one.  2013 was pretty epic.  It was a year full of family and love.  I've learned and grown and changed, loved, laughed and cried.  Some things I'm looking forward to in 2014 are; watching Owen grow, supporting Rach through her pregnancy and meeting her baby, finding a bigger space to call home and growing our family.  I don't make new year's resolutions but am working on being more overtly friendly; I would like to spend more time at church and less time on social media in 2014.  Here's to another amazing year!

What I've Learned

After a year of motherhood here are 10 things I've learned.  I want to remember them when I have a second baby and hope they will encourage my mama friends who are new to the journey.

1.  No two babies (or families) are the same.  They all have their own temperament and different things work for different babies.  Just because the other moms in my PEPS group proudly shared that their babies were sleeping for 12 uninterrupted hours didn't mean there was something wrong with Owen, who was still waking up every 4.  There are a million different books on parenting out there because there are a million different ways to do it.  As hard as it is, I've learned to resist comparing myself to others.  We have all have areas of strength and weakness and we all need to do what works for us.  My PEPS leader gave me a magnet with the quote "there is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."  I have found that to be very true.

2.  Let go of the guilt.  I didn't sign Owen up for every swim and music class in town.  In my opinion, infants need to be loved and feel secure above all else.  They will develop just fine without learning french before their second birthday.  I've found that it's SO easy to start feeling bad because you don't read to your baby enough, forgot his vitamin D supplements or you let him fall and bonk his head.  Whenever I feel guilt washing over me, I remind myself that I love my baby and am meeting his needs.  I know he will thrive.  What babies crave is to interact and connect with their parents, the center of their universe.  I kept a helpless little human alive 24 hours a day for an entire year and have a healthy, happy one year old.  There is nothing to feel guilty about.

3.  Be present in the moment.  I've learned that it's all to easy to be in the same room with a baby all day without really connecting with them.  I think in our technology driven world it is easy to get distracted, to look at our phones or watch TV while we are "playing" with our kids.  If I'm spending time with Owen, I try and make sure that's all I'm doing.  It's rude to send a text message or look at FB while having a conversation with a friend (even though a lot of people do it) so I feel like we should respect our babies in the same way.  I'm not saying I don't spend time doing my own thing during the day but I try and set aside periods of time where I play with Owen and do nothing else.  Ty and I have adapted a philosophy that when we're on vacation we stay off our phones.  We attempt to disconnect and spend time as a family.  My 700 Facebook friends can wait until we're home to see pictures of our trip, they don't need a live feed, and I'm confident 693 could care less what we're doing.  Even at a young age our kids are watching us and if we don't want them to sit around and play on their phones or watch TV all day long, we need to model it.

4.  Find a group of new moms to love and support you.  Connecting with others who are experiencing the same joys and struggles was so comforting for me.  I love being with the girls in my PEPS group and my friends who have babies close in age.  Who better to cry with about your babies nap schedule, your lack of sleep or the fight you had with your husband than other moms who are experiencing the exact same thing.  Being a mom bonds us together in a special way and I have gained so much from the moms I shared the ups and downs of the past year with.  My friend Danielle came over when Owen was two weeks old and it was one of the most comforting conversations ever.  Her baby is two months older than Owen and she reassured me that what I'm experiencing is normal and that things will get easier.  From that day on we have been really good friends.

5.  Walk.  I have logged many a miles with Owen either on my chest or in the stroller.  Babies love fresh air and being outside.  I love meeting friends and having an hour to chat while the little ones sleep or play.  Walking got me out of the house to maintain sanity and got me back in shape.  I work out more now than I ever have, because we walk, all the time.

6.  Focus on your marriage.  There is a lot of research that shows what a strain the first year of parenthood is on couples.  Having a baby requires a lot of sacrifices and it's easy to feel unappreciated and unglamorous.  The postpartum hormones, which make you super emotional certainly don't help.  I was aware of this.  I cut Ty slack and focus on choosing to love and see the best in him every day.  When I feel myself getting frustrated I always try and remind myself that Ty means well and is doing his best, we both are.  There's a lot to juggle, there's a lot to clean, and feeling resentful every time I vacuum is not going to help anything.  I am happier in my marriage now than I have ever been and attribute much of that to focusing on growing closer in this amazing chapter of our lives.

7.  Make time for yourself.  Just because you're a mom now doesn't mean you're not you.  It's okay to leave your baby with a friend to workout, get your nails done or get a massage.  It's okay to not what to be with your kids every second.  Everybody needs a break and a few cocktail once in a while.  I believe that we have to take care of ourselves and keep a sense of who we are in order to be happy.  If we're not happy, we don't have as much to offer to our children.

8.  Hire a housekeeper if there is any way you can.  Having the toilets scrubbed for me makes the workload so much easier to manage.  I used to think it was a waste of money to hire a housecleaner as it is something I could do myself, but it is worth every penny.  It helps our marriage because there are less chores to divide up and coming home to a sparkling clean house every other Wednesday makes me really happy.

9.  Learn to let go.  As much as we want to control every detail of our kids lives, we can't.  Every month brings new skills and greater independence.  I have a certain way that I do things and Ty has another.  My mom cares for Owen slightly differently, as does our nanny.  That's okay.  I can't control everything and my job as a mother is to teach my little one to navigate the varying circumstances life brings.  In the early months (and even now) it's easy to obsess over little details.  When I think back to those situations, they are totally irrelevant.  Is Owen ever going to sleep in his own crib?  Is he ever going to outgrow the swaddle?  Will he ever nap longer than 45 minutes?  Will he eat solid foods? Will he ever outgrow his binki?  Yes!  I've never seen a kindergartner with a swaddle or a groom walk down the isle with a binki.  He will eat when he's hungry, he will sleep when he's tired and continue to grow.  There is no need to make yourself crazy fixating on those things.

10.  Be thankful.  Having a job in which I deal with so much love and heartbreak makes me grateful for my healthy family every single day.  I didn't fully understand what it meant to have sick child before Owen was born and have vowed never to take his health for granted.  I have learned to cherish the moments rather than always focusing on what needs to be done.  I blogged what I was thankful for 31 days straight and could continue the list for another 31 days.  My life is full of blessings and I thank God for them everyday.

One Year Family Photos

One year love letter

My sweet baby Owen,

I love the look on your face when you get what you want. I love it when you laugh. I love the way you throw your head back when you cry for dramatic effect. I love it when you smile up at me. I love your little face poking out of the crib when you wake up from a nap. I love watching you sleep on the baby monitor. I love that I am your mama and your number one. I love breastfeeding you and the way you hang your head on my chest when you're tired. I love how proud of yourself you get when you accomplish something, and I love the faces you make when you eat. There are so, so many things to love about you. You are a perfect little one-year-old, and I am looking forward to watching you learn and grow in the coming year.

You love having your family together and are happiest when Ty and I are both around. Your dad has stepped up in a lot of ways now that he's a parent. It's been incredibly meaningful to watch him change and grow to meet the needs of our family. He's an amazing dad and husband—we're lucky to have him. You have taught us both so much about life and love and what it means to live beyond ourselves in the past year.

After roughhousing on the bed, you now consider it a trampoline. You love being chased around the house and tickled. You are hilarious to watch drink out of a cup—you throw the cup and your head back as if you're taking a shot every time. You like to babble and try your voice in different octaves. You love swinging at the playground and riding in the stroller. You love yogurt and cottage cheese. You love playing peekaboo and are finally starting to like reading books. Your favorite toys are toothbrushes, wooden spoons, and anything you can push around. You love being outside and watching other kids. You are a happy little people person.

You have a lot to learn now that you're one. In your second year, you'll learn about colors and letters, how to color, paint, and discover. You'll learn to share, to help clean up your toys, how to sing, how to communicate, and so much more. As you grow, I pray you learn to be patient and kind. I hope you learn the value of a good conversation and don't end up being too dependent on technology. I hope you love wholeheartedly. I hope you're empathetic and giving. I hope you find a passion and love to travel. I hope you learn from your mistakes and know how to apologize. It's a big job being your mom, and I hope that I can teach you many of these things. I also know that who you are and will become is much bigger than me. God has a plan for you, and He is the one who ultimately defines our destiny. I hope you learn to trust in Him and live out the beautiful life you've been created for.

As you grow, I hope you always know that I am your biggest fan. I am here to love and support you in any way that you need. You are the light of my life, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you.

xoxo,
Your loving mama