Christmas 2016

As much as I hate to admit it, Christmas was more stressful than it was fun for me this year. I was deep in first trimester nausea and had no energy to do anything. I love the Christmas season and wanted it to be special but I was so fatigued that the parties, shopping and festive list of to-do's felt more overwhelming than anything else.

That being said, we were able to enjoy time with both families. And Christmas morning was, of course, magical. We got together with the Leitz/Rallos the weekend before Christmas, stayed home with just our nuclear family on Christmas Eve/Day, and trekked down to Oregon to be with the Mclaughlin/Wilhlelm's for a few days after. The boys loved it.

Ty took the week between Christmas and New Year's off, which was lovely. We got lots of family time and I was able to take many much needed naps. We went to the mountain twice, once with the kids and once without them.

My Christmas jammie photo session didn't exactly turn out how I wanted it to, which was a huge disappointment. Although now that a few months have passed, they are pretty hilarious.

Luckily I know that Christmas means so much more than fun parties and nice gifts. I am incredibly thankful for all that Christmas represents and the wonders of His love, nausea and all.

2 Year Old Love Letter

My sweet Weston,
You are two years old and incredibly full of life, love and personality. Some of your favorite phrases are "watch this!," "look mom!,"  and "Wessy do it." You are strong willed and very independent. You want to do everything yourself and don't hold back if you're disappointed that you can't in certain situations. You love your brother and want to do everything he does. You're sassy and my star student when it comes to taking photos. You're both photogenic and cooperative which makes my mama heart very happy. Your language and vocabulary are pretty amazing and you talk in full sentences. I never have to guess what you want- your strong opinions and communication skills make it very clear. I see a lot of myself in your single minded determination, so I can't help but respect it. You're silly, charismatic and have the best sense of humor. People are drawn to you and you really know how to work a room. When you get mad you tense your face and stick out your bottom lip.

Thankfully, your super picky eating stage has come and gone and you'll now try one bite of pretty much everything. Your favorite foods are quesadillas (but you call them tacos), tortellini, fruit, pancakes and toast. Basically any combination of carbs and cheese will do. You recently started loving avocados and I'd say your favorite veggies are broccoli and green pepper. You've lost interest in your high chair and have started sitting at the table with the rest of the family. The "two's" are full of learning and the struggle for power. As your mama I try to remember that each of us has a job; I set the limits but even at this young age you are responsible for making your own choices.

You love taking showers and are not a fan of baths. We're in a super good sleeping phase and, much to my delight, you sleep in. You go to bed between 7 and 8 and wake up between 7:30 and 8:30. You still sleep in your crib with a sleep sac and go down without much of a fight. You are obsessed with your stuffed animals; you have a puffin, a fox and shark that you're equally attached to. You sleep with your blankie and between one and all of your animals. Our bedtime routine has stayed the same- jammies, brush teeth, vitamins, read a couple books, turn out the light and sing a few songs, say our prayers. You love to read and "The potty book for boys" is your current favorite. You have peed and pooped on the potty multiple times but we're not quite ready to take the full on potty training plunge just yet. You go to daycare two days a week and seem to enjoy your time there.

When I think back to the day you were born and the euphoria of those first days, I had no idea what life with two little boys would be like. I had no idea how much love and joy you would bring to our family, how much your silly sense of humor would light up my days or how much you and your brother would cherish each other. Our family would not be the same without you and I pray that you always know just how deeply you are loved. I am looking forward to watching your unique gifts continue to reveal themselves as you grow.

xoxo,
Your loving mama 

4 Year Old Love Letter

My sweet Owen,
Your 4th birthday has come and gone. You are so excited to be four and couldn't wait to celebrate on your big day. We decorated your door with streamers and the house with balloons. After you came downstairs to your new bike we went to Grammy and Grandpapa's for hot tubbing and ice cream cake. The day ended with dinner at the airport restaurant in Gig Harbor. It was a pretty epic day and watching your excitement was the best thing ever. Your party was the weekend after and you had a blast celebrating with your family and friends.

When you woke up on your birthday you asked me if I got you new clothes now that you were so much bigger. As you've grown into my four year old boy so many things about your personality have stayed the same. You are sweet, kind and very thoughtful. You love going on adventures and are great at playing by yourself. You love your little brother and are SO excited to have another baby on the way. You no longer nap and are still an early riser. You go to bed around 8 and wake up between 6 and 7 am, with the occasional 5:30 mixed in there. We lay with you to help you get to sleep at night and your cherish that time, we both do. You love reflecting on your day and snuggling as you drift off to sleep. You wake up during the night a fair amount but quickly fall back asleep if there is someone to snuggle you.

Going from a nanny to daycare was a big adjustment for you and it took you a while to warm up, but now that you're comfortable you seem to enjoy it. You are my homebody and prefer a small crowd over a big group but that's why I think being in daycare is good for you, it's helping you learn to be in a group of kids and away from your parents. You're leaning how to cope with being outside your comfort zone. You have made a few great friends, especially Ethan, and really love your teachers, Mr. Alex and Ms. Brittany. Trying new things isn't always easy and I know it's hard for you. I am proud of you for persevering.

One of my favorite things about your older age is your ability to reciprocate love. You often tell me how much you love me, that I'm the "bestest" and the "nicest." I also love how much fun it is to do activities together. No longer is it going to the zoo and pushing you around in the stroller- but talking together about all the animals, how they move, what sounds they make and which ones we like the most.

You love playing with legos, ice cream, hot coco, paw patrol, soccer, being with your grandparents, mac and cheese, the park, riding in the stroller, baby Lily and baby Declan.You hate the color red. Your imagination is still quite vivid and you've been talking a lot about your jobs lately. You worked at Starbucks for a while but now you just work in an office. You have the McLaughlin laugh and it's one of my favorite things when you crack up uncontrollably.

You and Wes fight but also play really well together. I read something that said the best predictor of sibling relationships in adulthood is how much fun you have playing together as kids. If that's the case, I think you and Weston are on the right track. That's actually one of the reasons that being at daycare was so difficult for you- you wanted to be with your brother and have never been away from him for a whole day. The best gift I've ever given you is each other and I hope you always hold fast to your brotherly bond.

As my first born you and I are continually learning together. I pray that you tender heart continues to grow in compassion and kindness. That you value your family, honesty and loyalty. That you learn to treat all people with respect and find common ground. I pray that you learn to follow your heart and find your passion. That your fight for justice and seek peace. That you know you have it within you to change the world. I love you with all my heart and look forward to the coming year.
xoxo,
Your loving mama

To conceive or not to conceive

That is the question.

Anybody who knows me knows that I've always wanted a family. When we decided we were ready and got pregnant with Owen, nobody was all that surprised. And I never wanted just one. When Ty and I decided the time had come to think about a second baby, I remember a conversation we had. Ty said something to the tune of "well, at least we have Owen so if we can't get pregnant this time, it wouldn't be the end of the world." I wholeheartedly disagreed. Not that I didn't love Owen with all my being but I did not fell like our family would be complete with just one child. At all. Siblings were always very much a part of the deal.

Now that we have the boys, they could certainly be enough to fill our home, making the decision as to whether or not to have a third a difficult one. I can think of a million reasons why stopping at two makes sense. Now that Wes is two things are getting much easier and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. At parties the boys can play independently while we chat with the other adults and we all sleep through the night a majority of the time. A family of five changes the logistics of everything- you need a car that can fit everyone, two hotel rooms, and most notably the kids outnumber the adults. Life with two is already pretty chaotic, do we really want to start all over again? Can we afford childcare for a third baby? The list goes on.

One of the most profound things I've learned throughout my life is that when I'm faced with a difficult decision if I take the time to think and pray about it, eventually the best path becomes clear deep down in my soul. That still small voice hasn't failed me yet. And in this case, though I know having a third baby will be far from easy, it is what feels right in the deepest corners of my heart.

Ty feels less enthusiastic about the work load that we know we are taking on but he, too, trusts my intuition and has agreed to grant me the desires of my mama heart. I feel a lot of pressure knowing that I am the one that talked him into this decision but at the same time I feel extreme gratitude that he is willing to endure a few more years of sleepless nights to make our family complete.

As has been true with each child, the decision to try and conceive was followed very shortly by two little pink lines. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at that positive test, confirming what I knew, that a family of five is indeed who we are meant to be.

San Diego 2016

For our second mom's weekend away- Danielle, Courtney, Sol and I ventured down to San Diego for a few days of fun in the sun. The three of them attended a conference the two days before I arrived to join them so there were a few other people we work with in town at the same time. It was super fun weekend with some of my favorite people.