Parenting through connection

In the midst of the chaos these past few months Owen has been growing and changing and making my heart want to burst. He is in such fun phase. And yes, I know I say that about every phase. His language is finally taking off and he is talking all the time, making him quite entertaining to be around. He gets super excited about the littlest things and is full of life and love.

We had slipped into a routine in which Ty was basically taking care of Owen and I was taking care of Weston. It makes a lot of sense in that Ty can't breastfeed and when babies are super tiny they need their mom to do the majority of their care. But I quickly realized that if I wasn't spending quality time with Owen he only wanted to be with his dad. He's always been kind of a daddy's boy but it certainly increased in intensity and made me feel awful. I would go into Owen's room to get him up from a nap and he would cry for his daddy. With the postpartum hormones I had to fight back tears at times. So, I decided that I needed to spend some quality time with my first born every day, and it made all the difference. If I spend even just 15 minutes engaged in one on one play time with my Owen in the morning, he wants to be with me and we spend the day working together. 

What a powerful lesson. Above all what our kids crave is our time and attention. Spending quality time with them makes them feel loved, secure and connected to us. It's easy to feel like we are spending time together simply by being in the same space all day long, but it is essential to connect and engage with them every. single. day. I hope that I always remember this. In years to come when Owen and Wes are acting out and misbehaving I will always need to ask myself how much time I've spend with them and how well I've been connecting with them. Right now connecting with Wes is the time we spend while he breastfeeds, snuggling together for naps and wearing him around in the ergo. He craves physical closeness as he adjusts to life outside the womb. Connecting with Owen is playing trains, watching him go down the slide at the park, making pancakes and reading books. He needs my encouragement as he explores his world.  I image in years to come connection will come through watching sporting events, family dinners, vacations and time outdoors. As their needs are ever changing I pray that I will always find ways to connect with my boys so they always feel secure, loved and accepted for all they are. 

8 Week Love Letter

My sweet Weston,

You are a pretty awesome little baby. You are mellow, sweet and go with the flow. At 8 weeks you have already been to Portland, Leavenworth and all around Seattle. You started out small but quickly turned into a little beefcake. You were 7lbs 2oz at birth, 8lbs 8oz at two weeks and 11lbs by one month. It's typical to double your birth weight by six months, so it's no understatement to say you're already growing up way too fast.

You love to nurse and nurse and nurse. There were blisters on your hands when you were born from sucking them in the womb and you proceeded to breastfed for the first 24 hours of your life. You love being in the ergo, laying on your changing table and your big brother. You love being held and prefer to nap in our arms, a moving car or strapped to my chest. While you're still getting the hang of naps, you've started consolidating your night time sleep. I have been feeding you between 7:30-8 pm and then laying you down in your co sleeper for bed. You drift off without a fuss and sleep for 7-8 hours.

I love listening to you breathe, rubbing my cheek against your fuzzy head and the warmth of your tiny body snuggled against my chest. I love watching you and Owen together and I love that he's just as smitten with you as we are. I love that you smile every time you see him despite the fact that he is constantly stealing your binki. I love your steel blue eyes, your toothless grin and kissing your sweet face.

Welcome to the family, my littlest love, I am so glad you're mine.

xoxo
Your loving mama

Mama of Two

The transition from one baby to two has been wonderful at times and tough at others. It's certainly exhausting. A pastor told Ty on Christmas that having little kids makes for the longest days and the shortest years. We were both really moved by his statement because it is so true. The days are tiring and frustrating but also wonderful and fleeting. I just cleared some clothes that no longer fit out of Weston's drawer and he's only a month old, the newborn phase is already passing us by.

The first week baby Wes was a dream and Owen was really difficult to deal with. All the change, sleep deprivation and the deviation from our normal routine lead to a lot of melt downs, while Weston just slept and nursed. I was upset with myself for feeling like Owen was exhausting and frustrating because I rarely feel that way about him. I mourned the loss of having just one child and the luxury of focusing all my energy and patience on him.

After that first week things settled out with Owen while Wes started coming to life and requiting more attention. Now it's just busy. Weston is a pretty mellow baby and having a newborn is much easier the second time. Owen is his normal 2 year old self. They're both pretty good but require a lot of attention. It generally feels like if one of them is calm, the other needs something. There is no down time. Owen goes to bed early but Wes stays up late. Owen wakes up early and Wes sleeps in. Wes needs to nurse and we need to make Owen lunch, Owen is destroying things while I feed the baby, when Wes is fussing he needs to be held and my hands are tied up for long periods of time. It's a balancing act for sure. That being said, we are figuring things out and it is getting progressively easier.

Ty has been home with me the whole time, which has been amazing. This week I've taken both the kids to co op and MOPS by myself and done a majority of the days on my own. I was having a hard time imagining being by myself with both of them all day but now I feel like I can handle it. I may not be able to keep my house as clean as I want and I may not have time to shower first thing in the morning, or at all, but I will be able to care for the boys.

The best thing about the second baby is watching the brotherly bond begin to develop. Owen loves Wes and wants to know where he is at all times. He searches for him first thing in the morning and kisses him before bed every night. He shows him off to his friends, loves to hold him, kiss him and give him his binki when he cries. At six weeks Wes follows Owen's voice and turns his head toward him. They're already buddies and I'm so looking forward to watching their relationship continue to grow.

Turns out that having two boys just might be the best thing ever. I love these two something fierce and wouldn't want it any other way

Christmas 2014

Christmas this year was a whirlwind of special time with family and friends. We celebrated Saturday evening with Ty's family over at Aaron and Kelsi's and got together with my work friends on Sunday. My dad came into town Tuesday, and we had Christmas Eve and Christmas Day festivities here. Steve and Paula were here both days and stayed the night on Christmas Eve. Aaron and Kelsi joined us for Christmas Eve, and Rachel, Josh, Cam, and Abby came for Christmas Day. Two days after Christmas, Trevor and Polina came into town and stayed with us overnight. A few days after they left, we drove to Oregon for four days to celebrate with my side of the family. Did I mention that we have a newborn? It's been crazy. But good. We really enjoyed the time with friends and family. Owen loved all the treats and attention that freely flowed during the two weeks of festivities, and it was a perfect opportunity for everyone to meet and love on baby Weston.

The most meaningful moment amid the chaos was church on Christmas Eve. We've never been able to attend our church on Christmas because in years past we've always been away from home. It was so meaningful to me to be in church, reflecting on the true meaning of Christmas. I love going to church and feel peace and comfort when I'm there. I always have. As I sang Christmas carols with my boys by my side, I teared up with joy, feeling so incredibly thankful for my family and all God has done in my life.

First Photo Shoot

We are taking a lot less pictures of Wes than we did of Owen. It's probably not the worst thing that ever happened because we have an insane amount of pictures of that child. This time I am focusing on quality over quantity. I took these when Weston was just a few days old. Such a sweet little face.

Owen and Wes

Owen coming to the hospital and meeting Wes for the first time was a beautiful moment. It was almost as magical as when Weston was born. Owen was so, so sweet with the baby and I cried tears of joy as both my boys snuggled on my lap. I felt more complete than I ever have with my whole family together for the first time.

A friend gave me the advice that you shouldn't be holding the baby when his sibling comes to visit, which was a wonderful tip. We had it set up so that my mom was holding Wes and I was sitting in the bed. Owen came in and jumped on my lap and then my mom handed the baby over to both of us. It worked perfectly and Owen was super excited. I wasn't sure how much Owen conceptualized me being pregnant and the fact that he was going to have sibling but I was pretty sure he understood. He clearly did and is already a loving and protective big brother. 

Weston's Birth Story

My labor the second time around was much less chaotic than the first and equally beautiful. The story starts on Wednesday. I worked a 12 hour shift and starting having a fair amount of contractions late in the day. I got home from work and let Ty know that things were starting to happen, but also knew that it could be Braxton hicks from a long day on my feet. I went to bed that evening and the contractions stopped enough that I was able to sleep through the night. Thursday morning I wasn't having a lot of contractions, just a few here and there but I started passing my mucous plug, a sure sign of labor, so I knew that the contractions were doing something. One tricky thing about the second labor is that we had to have someone at home with Owen when it was time to go to the hospital. And after how quickly things progressed with my first labor I wanted to have a good plan in place. I called my mom Thursday evening and filled her in. I wasn't sure if I was actually going into labor so I was hesitant to ask her to drive up. Luckily, she made the decision that she was just going to come. She drove up after work and arrived around midnight. It was such a relief having her here. I knew that she would be able to stay with Owen at any given moment and it's always a comfort having my mom close.

Friday morning Ty and I went for a 3 mile walk and nothing was really changing. I was still having irregular contractions but able to go about my normal routine. Since my mom was here I grocery shopped, ran errands and cleaned the house. I felt the nesting urge and burst of energy that comes with it. I went to bed around 10 pm Friday night and as soon as I laid down my contractions started to pick up. By 11 pm I was sure it was go time. I got up, took a shower and made sure everything was ready for the hospital. My mom was sleeping in the living room so Ty and I were quietly hanging out in our bedroom as I labored. It was actually kind of fun and the 5 hours passed rather quickly, we took some selfies and decided for sure that we would name the baby Weston (not Wesley). We called the midwife around 2 and decided that we would head to the hospital around 3. Arriving at the hospital was much more peaceful this time, we parked and strolled on in. My midwife checked me as soon as we were admitted and I was dilated to 8 cm. I was surprised that I was that far along because the labor thus far hadn't been nearly as painful as the first time. Once we got settled in the hospital I was surprisingly comfortable sitting in the bed and we just kind of sat there for the next hour while the nurses got everything ready and I continued to labor. My water didn't break on it's own which I think may be the reason I wasn't as uncomfortable this time.

Around 5:30 am I was ready to push. My water still hadn't broken so the midwife broke it and that's when the contractions became incredibly intense. Thankfully the pushing was much shorter this time. It was pretty much a de ja vu of my first labor in that Weston's head was stuck, his cord was wrapped around his neck so his heart rate was dropping and I wouldn't tear. I had to have another episotomy thanks to my "perineum of steel." I was happy that we had learned from my first labor and I didn't push for two hours before they decided to do the episotomy, Wes was out within 30 minutes.

There is nothing more magical than holding your baby for the first time. The contractions, the pushing and the pain are a small price to pay for the incredible gift of your beautiful newborn baby on your chest. As I held Wes, I cried, kissed his head and told him what a special part of our family he is. I am incredibly thankful for an easy and positive labor story and couldn't be happier to be a family of four.