4 Year Old Love Letter

My sweet Owen,
Your 4th birthday has come and gone. You are so excited to be four and couldn't wait to celebrate on your big day. We decorated your door with streamers and the house with balloons. After you came downstairs to your new bike we went to Grammy and Grandpapa's for hot tubbing and ice cream cake. The day ended with dinner at the airport restaurant in Gig Harbor. It was a pretty epic day and watching your excitement was the best thing ever. Your party was the weekend after and you had a blast celebrating with your family and friends.

When you woke up on your birthday you asked me if I got you new clothes now that you were so much bigger. As you've grown into my four year old boy so many things about your personality have stayed the same. You are sweet, kind and very thoughtful. You love going on adventures and are great at playing by yourself. You love your little brother and are SO excited to have another baby on the way. You no longer nap and are still an early riser. You go to bed around 8 and wake up between 6 and 7 am, with the occasional 5:30 mixed in there. We lay with you to help you get to sleep at night and your cherish that time, we both do. You love reflecting on your day and snuggling as you drift off to sleep. You wake up during the night a fair amount but quickly fall back asleep if there is someone to snuggle you.

Going from a nanny to daycare was a big adjustment for you and it took you a while to warm up, but now that you're comfortable you seem to enjoy it. You are my homebody and prefer a small crowd over a big group but that's why I think being in daycare is good for you, it's helping you learn to be in a group of kids and away from your parents. You're leaning how to cope with being outside your comfort zone. You have made a few great friends, especially Ethan, and really love your teachers, Mr. Alex and Ms. Brittany. Trying new things isn't always easy and I know it's hard for you. I am proud of you for persevering.

One of my favorite things about your older age is your ability to reciprocate love. You often tell me how much you love me, that I'm the "bestest" and the "nicest." I also love how much fun it is to do activities together. No longer is it going to the zoo and pushing you around in the stroller- but talking together about all the animals, how they move, what sounds they make and which ones we like the most.

You love playing with legos, ice cream, hot coco, paw patrol, soccer, being with your grandparents, mac and cheese, the park, riding in the stroller, baby Lily and baby Declan.You hate the color red. Your imagination is still quite vivid and you've been talking a lot about your jobs lately. You worked at Starbucks for a while but now you just work in an office. You have the McLaughlin laugh and it's one of my favorite things when you crack up uncontrollably.

You and Wes fight but also play really well together. I read something that said the best predictor of sibling relationships in adulthood is how much fun you have playing together as kids. If that's the case, I think you and Weston are on the right track. That's actually one of the reasons that being at daycare was so difficult for you- you wanted to be with your brother and have never been away from him for a whole day. The best gift I've ever given you is each other and I hope you always hold fast to your brotherly bond.

As my first born you and I are continually learning together. I pray that you tender heart continues to grow in compassion and kindness. That you value your family, honesty and loyalty. That you learn to treat all people with respect and find common ground. I pray that you learn to follow your heart and find your passion. That your fight for justice and seek peace. That you know you have it within you to change the world. I love you with all my heart and look forward to the coming year.
xoxo,
Your loving mama

To conceive or not to conceive

That is the question.

Anybody who knows me knows that I've always wanted a family. When we decided we were ready and got pregnant with Owen, nobody was all that surprised. And I never wanted just one. When Ty and I decided the time had come to think about a second baby, I remember a conversation we had. Ty said something to the tune of "well, at least we have Owen so if we can't get pregnant this time, it wouldn't be the end of the world." I wholeheartedly disagreed. Not that I didn't love Owen with all my being but I did not fell like our family would be complete with just one child. At all. Siblings were always very much a part of the deal.

Now that we have the boys, they could certainly be enough to fill our home, making the decision as to whether or not to have a third a difficult one. I can think of a million reasons why stopping at two makes sense. Now that Wes is two things are getting much easier and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. At parties the boys can play independently while we chat with the other adults and we all sleep through the night a majority of the time. A family of five changes the logistics of everything- you need a car that can fit everyone, two hotel rooms, and most notably the kids outnumber the adults. Life with two is already pretty chaotic, do we really want to start all over again? Can we afford childcare for a third baby? The list goes on.

One of the most profound things I've learned throughout my life is that when I'm faced with a difficult decision if I take the time to think and pray about it, eventually the best path becomes clear deep down in my soul. That still small voice hasn't failed me yet. And in this case, though I know having a third baby will be far from easy, it is what feels right in the deepest corners of my heart.

Ty feels less enthusiastic about the work load that we know we are taking on but he, too, trusts my intuition and has agreed to grant me the desires of my mama heart. I feel a lot of pressure knowing that I am the one that talked him into this decision but at the same time I feel extreme gratitude that he is willing to endure a few more years of sleepless nights to make our family complete.

As has been true with each child, the decision to try and conceive was followed very shortly by two little pink lines. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at that positive test, confirming what I knew, that a family of five is indeed who we are meant to be.

San Diego 2016

For our second mom's weekend away- Danielle, Courtney, Sol and I ventured down to San Diego for a few days of fun in the sun. The three of them attended a conference the two days before I arrived to join them so there were a few other people we work with in town at the same time. It was super fun weekend with some of my favorite people.

Mom of boys

For whatever reason I have been reflecting on being a mom of boys a lot lately. I think it's because I am finally at complete and utter peace with it. It's no secret that I wanted girls. Really bad. My 20 week ultrasounds that revealed I was having boys were far from the best days of my life.

After some reflection I realized that a big part of my initial disappointment is that I always imagined myself with girls, so it was a big shift to start envisioning what my life would be like with boys. But now that I have them, I am in love with being a boy mama. Even more so, I've learned that gender really doesn't matter. Our culture tells us lots of things about raising boys vs raising girls but I don't think there is much of a difference. The goal is the same-- to raise confident, loving and kind human beings that learn to find their passion, trust their intuition and make a positive impact in their communities.

All kids are different, regardless of their gender and I refuse to buy into the stereotypes that girls are sweet and sensitive, pretty and proper while boys are wild. Owen and Wes play with lots of "girl" toys. They have a baby doll with a stroller, a vacuum cleaner and a kitchen. Boys grow up to be husbands and dads that cook and clean so I'm not exactly sure why these are considered girl toys in the first place. Of course they also loves trucks, trains and riding bikes, things that most of the little girls in our life enjoy as well. The types of toys that are marketed to each gender stimulate different parts of the brain so I think it is one of my jobs as a parent to provide my kids with a wide variety of ways to play and express themselves.

If we have a third baby, I won't find out the gender until it's born. I thought it mattered the first two times but now I know better. Honestly, in my heart of hearts, it doesn't matter one way or the other. I would love having three boys and I would also love having a little girl. A third child would be an amazing gift that would make both me and our family complete regardless of the gender.

Life with my boys is everything I could ever want and there is nobody else that could fill the giant space in my heart that they inhabit. I love them for who they are now, who they will be in the future and for how they are teaching me to be the best version of myself. Things don't always turn out exactly how we imaged them to, but fully embracing the life we are living allows us to write a beautiful story.

Halloween 2016

I could hardly handle the how adorable the boys were this Halloween, especially Wes with his fat little face. They were so excited and sweet with their dragon tails, wings and roars. We went to a harvest party at one of the local churches in the morning and trick or treating in our neighborhood in the evening. These two, I tell ya, they are seriously the best. 

Pumpkin Patch 2016

One of my favorite traditions with some of our favorite people.