What I've Learned

After a year of motherhood here are 10 things I've learned.  I want to remember them when I have a second baby and hope they will encourage my mama friends who are new to the journey.

1.  No two babies (or families) are the same.  They all have their own temperament and different things work for different babies.  Just because the other moms in my PEPS group proudly shared that their babies were sleeping for 12 uninterrupted hours didn't mean there was something wrong with Owen, who was still waking up every 4.  There are a million different books on parenting out there because there are a million different ways to do it.  As hard as it is, I've learned to resist comparing myself to others.  We have all have areas of strength and weakness and we all need to do what works for us.  My PEPS leader gave me a magnet with the quote "there is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."  I have found that to be very true.

2.  Let go of the guilt.  I didn't sign Owen up for every swim and music class in town.  In my opinion, infants need to be loved and feel secure above all else.  They will develop just fine without learning french before their second birthday.  I've found that it's SO easy to start feeling bad because you don't read to your baby enough, forgot his vitamin D supplements or you let him fall and bonk his head.  Whenever I feel guilt washing over me, I remind myself that I love my baby and am meeting his needs.  I know he will thrive.  What babies crave is to interact and connect with their parents, the center of their universe.  I kept a helpless little human alive 24 hours a day for an entire year and have a healthy, happy one year old.  There is nothing to feel guilty about.

3.  Be present in the moment.  I've learned that it's all to easy to be in the same room with a baby all day without really connecting with them.  I think in our technology driven world it is easy to get distracted, to look at our phones or watch TV while we are "playing" with our kids.  If I'm spending time with Owen, I try and make sure that's all I'm doing.  It's rude to send a text message or look at FB while having a conversation with a friend (even though a lot of people do it) so I feel like we should respect our babies in the same way.  I'm not saying I don't spend time doing my own thing during the day but I try and set aside periods of time where I play with Owen and do nothing else.  Ty and I have adapted a philosophy that when we're on vacation we stay off our phones.  We attempt to disconnect and spend time as a family.  My 700 Facebook friends can wait until we're home to see pictures of our trip, they don't need a live feed, and I'm confident 693 could care less what we're doing.  Even at a young age our kids are watching us and if we don't want them to sit around and play on their phones or watch TV all day long, we need to model it.

4.  Find a group of new moms to love and support you.  Connecting with others who are experiencing the same joys and struggles was so comforting for me.  I love being with the girls in my PEPS group and my friends who have babies close in age.  Who better to cry with about your babies nap schedule, your lack of sleep or the fight you had with your husband than other moms who are experiencing the exact same thing.  Being a mom bonds us together in a special way and I have gained so much from the moms I shared the ups and downs of the past year with.  My friend Danielle came over when Owen was two weeks old and it was one of the most comforting conversations ever.  Her baby is two months older than Owen and she reassured me that what I'm experiencing is normal and that things will get easier.  From that day on we have been really good friends.

5.  Walk.  I have logged many a miles with Owen either on my chest or in the stroller.  Babies love fresh air and being outside.  I love meeting friends and having an hour to chat while the little ones sleep or play.  Walking got me out of the house to maintain sanity and got me back in shape.  I work out more now than I ever have, because we walk, all the time.

6.  Focus on your marriage.  There is a lot of research that shows what a strain the first year of parenthood is on couples.  Having a baby requires a lot of sacrifices and it's easy to feel unappreciated and unglamorous.  The postpartum hormones, which make you super emotional certainly don't help.  I was aware of this.  I cut Ty slack and focus on choosing to love and see the best in him every day.  When I feel myself getting frustrated I always try and remind myself that Ty means well and is doing his best, we both are.  There's a lot to juggle, there's a lot to clean, and feeling resentful every time I vacuum is not going to help anything.  I am happier in my marriage now than I have ever been and attribute much of that to focusing on growing closer in this amazing chapter of our lives.

7.  Make time for yourself.  Just because you're a mom now doesn't mean you're not you.  It's okay to leave your baby with a friend to workout, get your nails done or get a massage.  It's okay to not what to be with your kids every second.  Everybody needs a break and a few cocktail once in a while.  I believe that we have to take care of ourselves and keep a sense of who we are in order to be happy.  If we're not happy, we don't have as much to offer to our children.

8.  Hire a housekeeper if there is any way you can.  Having the toilets scrubbed for me makes the workload so much easier to manage.  I used to think it was a waste of money to hire a housecleaner as it is something I could do myself, but it is worth every penny.  It helps our marriage because there are less chores to divide up and coming home to a sparkling clean house every other Wednesday makes me really happy.

9.  Learn to let go.  As much as we want to control every detail of our kids lives, we can't.  Every month brings new skills and greater independence.  I have a certain way that I do things and Ty has another.  My mom cares for Owen slightly differently, as does our nanny.  That's okay.  I can't control everything and my job as a mother is to teach my little one to navigate the varying circumstances life brings.  In the early months (and even now) it's easy to obsess over little details.  When I think back to those situations, they are totally irrelevant.  Is Owen ever going to sleep in his own crib?  Is he ever going to outgrow the swaddle?  Will he ever nap longer than 45 minutes?  Will he eat solid foods? Will he ever outgrow his binki?  Yes!  I've never seen a kindergartner with a swaddle or a groom walk down the isle with a binki.  He will eat when he's hungry, he will sleep when he's tired and continue to grow.  There is no need to make yourself crazy fixating on those things.

10.  Be thankful.  Having a job in which I deal with so much love and heartbreak makes me grateful for my healthy family every single day.  I didn't fully understand what it meant to have sick child before Owen was born and have vowed never to take his health for granted.  I have learned to cherish the moments rather than always focusing on what needs to be done.  I blogged what I was thankful for 31 days straight and could continue the list for another 31 days.  My life is full of blessings and I thank God for them everyday.

One Year Family Photos

One year love letter

My sweet baby Owen,

I love the look on your face when you get what you want.  I love it when you laugh.  I love the way you throw your head back when you cry for dramatic effect.  I love it when you smile up at me and I love it when you laugh.  I love your little face poking out of the crib when you wake up from a nap.  I love watching you sleep on the baby monitor.  I love that I am your mama and your number one.  I love breastfeeding you and the way your hang your head in my chest when you're tired.  I love how proud of yourself you get when you accomplish something and I love the faces you make when you eat.  There are so, so many things to love about you.  You are a perfect little one year old and I am looking forward to watching you learn and grow in the coming year.

You love having your family together and are happiest when Ty and I are both around.  Your dad has stepped up in a lot of ways now that he's a parent.  It's been incredibly meaningful to watch him change and grow to meet the needs of our family.  He's an amazing dad and husband, we're lucky to have him.  You have taught us both so much about life and love and what it means to live beyond ourselves in the past year.

After rough housing on the bed you now consider it a trampoline.  You love being chased around the house and tickled.  You are hilarious to watch drink out of a cup, you throw the cup and your head back as if you're taking a shot every time.  You like to babble and try your voice in different octaves. You love swinging at the playground and riding in the stroller.  You love yogurt and cottage cheese. You love playing peek-a-book and are finally starting to like reading books.  Your favorite toys are toothbrushes, wooden spoons, and anything you can push around.  You love being outside and watching other kids.  You are a happy little people person.

You have a lot to learn now that you're one.  In your second year you'll learn about colors and letters, how to color, paint, and discover.  You'll learn to share, to help clean up your toys, how to sing, how to communicate, and so much more.  As you grow I pray to you learn to be patient and kind.  I hope you learn the value of a good conversation and don't end up being too dependent on technology.  I hope love whole heartedly.  I hope you're empathetic and giving. I hope you find a passion and love to travel.  I hope you learn from your mistakes and know how to apologize.  It's a big job being your mom and I hope that I can teach you many of these things.  I also know that who you are and will become is much bigger than me.  God has a plan for you and He is the on who ultimately defines our destiny.  I hope you learn to trust in Him and live out the beautiful life you've been created for.  As you grow I hope you always know that I am your biggest fan.  I am here to love and support you in any way that you need.  You are the light of my life and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you.

xoxo,
Your loving mama

30 days of thankfulness

I love the idea of thinking about what you are thankful for throughout November.  A daily post of thankfulness is the latest Facebook fad.  There is something about that that doesn't resonate as genuine with me.  So, I decided to blog what I am thankful for and post it here.  For me.  And the three people who read my blog, of course.

1.  I am thankful for my husband and the 10 years that we have spent building a life and family together.

2.  I am thankful for my mom.  After having a baby I feel closer to her than ever and can count on her for whatever I need.  I am thankful that Owen has a loving nana who is willing to drive to Seattle and spend time with him whenever she can.

3.  I am thankful for my sweet baby Owen and all the joy he has brought to my life.  I am thankful for all that I have learned as a mama and for the vastness of love I feel for my little man.

4.  I am thankful for job.  I love being a nurse and am passionate about what I do.  Furthermore it allows me the flexibility to have a career without sacrificing being with my son.

5.  I am thankful that I have a best friend who inspires me to be more loving and generous.

6.  I am thankful that I live in a city I love.  Seattle is beautiful, progressive and full of opportunities.

7.  I am thankful for my sisters.  There is no bond quite like the sisterhood.  I am thankful that Manda moved to Seattle and we get to spend more time together.

8.  I am thankful for our dog, baby Jake.  He taught me how a pet becomes a part of the family with his constant love and faithfulness.  

9. I am thankful for our church.  We don't go nearly as often as I would like to, but I love having a place we can go to worship, hear a beautiful sermon and fell fulfilled.  I admire Pastor Richard and love hearing him preach.

10.  I am thankful for music.  There is nothing better than a feel good song on a long car ride, singing out a worship song, or a sappy country love song.

11.  I am thankful for organ donation and the way it changes lives.  I witness babies getting a second chance at life through this amazing, selfless gift.

12.  I am thankful that we can afford to live comfortably and provide for Owen.  It seems that no matter how much money you have, it's always end up being just enough.

13.  I am thankful for our little house.  We dream of something bigger but I love the simplicity that comes with a small space.  We are organized and only have room to keep with we really need.

14.  I am thankful that I don't feel the need to use Facebook as a way to show others how great my life is.

15.  I'm thankful for Starbucks lattes in the winter and iced coffees in the summer.  A good coffee can turn the day around.

16.  I am thankful for my access to fresh, organic food to fulfill and nurture my family.

17.  I am thankful for Kelsi, Kari, Katie and Alex.  It's amazing having such a wonderful family in-law to share life in Seattle with.

18.  I am thankful for my dad.  He has a huge heart and loves his family more than anything.

19.  I am thankful for sunshine.  We don't get a whole lot of it in Seattle, so I savor it whenever I can.

20.  I am thankful for the travel experiences I've had.  I've learned so much from the places I've visited and look forward to continuing to explore the world.

21.  I'm thankful for my liberal arts education.  PLU was an amazing school that connected me with a network of life long friends.

22. I am thankful that I was able to get pregnant with ease and was able to have a natural delivery.

23.  I am thankful for good conversations and the way they nourish my soul.

24.  I am thankful for Devin and Olivia.  I am excited to see who they become and love that Owen has cousins so close in age.

25.  I am thankful for Layla and Levi.  I love them dearly and would do anything for them.  Watching them grow has been an amazing adventure and I cherish the time I have with them.

26.  I am thankful for my friend, Danielle.  Our babies are close in age and we have gotten really close sharing the many ups and downs of motherhood throughout the last year.

27.  I am thankful for my PEPS group and the support it provided me with during Owen's infancy.

28.  I am thankful for pilates.  It's the only type of exercise I have ever truly loved.

29.  I am thankful for Steve and Paula.  They are loving and generous people and have always made me feel like part of the family.

30.  I am thankful for Beth and her kindness.  I value our friendship and cherish the time we have together.

31.  I am thankful for a God who loves and fulfills me.  I have believed in God for as long as I can remember and know I would not be who I am today without the love and guidance He has brought to my life.

11 months

At 11 months Owen is waving bye-bye, no longer hates having his diaper changed, gives kisses, continues to love the bath and is talking up a storm.  He says mama, dada and a whole of gibberish.  Owen likes to dance, is super ticklish and laughs a lot.  He loves being around older kids and watching them play.  Owen loves to play with and antagonize Jake; we were wondering why Jake all of the sudden starting chewing up the baby toys and discovered it's because Owen gives them to him. Owen also chews on Jake's balls, so I guess it's only fair.  They are buds.  Owen went through a hunger strike and refused to eat any solid foods for a few weeks.  Now he is back to eating solids but is much more selective than he used to be.  He opens his mouth for a tiny taste and proceeds to eat only if he decides he likes it. And what he likes varies from day to day.  One days he loves applesauce and the next he won't have anything to do with it.  His favorite foods right now are grapes, cheerios, puffs, veggie soup, spaghetti and yogurt.  Ty made him pancakes and he wouldn't have anything to do with them. What kid doesn't like pancakes?!  He still loves to nurse but is finally starting to wean himself. He is still cruising and crawling his way into plenty of mischief but he isn't standing without holding onto anything yet.  I think we still have some time before the first steps.

Owen loves being around people and seeing his favorites.  He lights up and squeals when he sees nana, Auntie Rach, grammy and grampy.  I love it that he is a people person.  He pretty much loves everybody and seems to remember people.  Once you've met and held him once or twice, he crawls right up to you and wants you to scoop him up.  We somehow avoided the stranger danger phase and he never went through a major period of separation anxiety. His first cold came last month and lasted for weeks.  It went from a runny nose to a cough to a runny nose again.  Although I hate seeing him sick, I'm of the mentally that getting a few colds is good for him, he has to build up that little immune system somehow.

Month 11 brought Owen's first little fit; he screamed and cried when I took a Starbucks cup away from him.  We are now to the point where we have to start thinking about our discipline philosophy and start actually "parenting."  For the majority of the first year the focus is on keeping a helpless little human fed, clean, loved and warm.  As Owen is becoming a toddler he is less helpless and will continue to become more independent each day.  As a parent your job then becomes to teach them how to be a good person; kind, loving, passionate, empathetic, and a productive member of society.  That is a pretty overwhelming job. I can't say we've settled on how we are going to teach and discipline Owen but I am drawn to the emotion coaching school of thought, where you teach kids that all emotions are okay but all actions are not.  I want Owen to know that it's okay to be upset but that doesn't give him the right to lash out.  For now I try and use positive discipline and primarily redirect Owen if he's doing something I don't want him to.   I try to reserve using "no" for situations where I mean business.  Playing in the dog food gets "that's Jake's, how about we play with your train," while climbing on the hot oven gets a "no."  I'm interested to talk to the girls in my PEPS group, as well as my other parent friends about their discipline philosophies and learn more about developmentally appropriate styles.

No day but today

A patient whose family I really connected with died last week.  I am heartbroken.  The parents are a young, fun loving couple that I sat and chatted with feeling more like they were old friends.   I took care of this sweet girl for the first time when I was pregnant with Owen and they helped me brainstorm names, though I didn't go with Easton as they suggested.  She was readmitted recently and very suddenly went for a toddler with adorable blonde pig tails testing her parents nerves confined in a hospital room to maximum life support.  My job has always been challenging emotionally but this loss hit me harder than any have before.  I think it's largely because I now have a mother's heart and understand how wholly and deeply we love our children.  I also realized that all of the patients I have really connected with over the years have done well.  She is the first of the 8 or 9 who have been especially important to me that has been called home.  I am attending the funeral tomorrow, something I haven't done for a patient before.  This angel will forever have a place in my heart.

When I came home from work sobbing, Ty and I decided that the only way we can honor this sweet angel, and all the others who are taken to heaven too soon, is by loving and cherishing each moment we have with our little man.  A healthy baby is honestly the greatest gift in this world and there is not a day that goes by I don't thank God for my family.  After what happened to Karina earlier this year and the heartbreak that comes with caring for sick children, I am reminded that only so much of life is in our control.  Things can change in an instant.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring but today is something to celebrate.

Halloween

Owen's first Halloween!  He was the cutest little wild thing that there ever was.

Pumpkin Patch

Owen and Olivia had a lovely time exploring the pumpkin patch.  The fall is proving to be just as beautiful as the summer.  Thank you, Seattle! And global warming.